Dear, Miss Violet. ✔

Chapter 45

Simon opened a bottle of whiskey and poured himself a glass. Downing the whiskey, he removed his cravat and sighed. His body and his heart ached.

Ached for Violet, ached for happiness, ached for a simple life, and simply just ached.

From all the pain.

When he'd watched Violet leave earlier in the day from his window, his entire being had shook with self hatred.

Even while writing the note instead of going down to meet her, Simon wasn't able to believe himself. He was truly hurting her, and it wasn't even her fault. She, an innocent woman was placing her trust in him, and he instead was ruining her chance at happiness.

While writing the note in a different handwriting(so as to not make it look like a note in anonymous's handwriting), Simon had a sinking feeling that he was living a double life where the character he was pretending to play was actually way better than the one he himself actually was. Because anonymous was honest and had confessed his love to Violet. Whereas Simon Siddell had cowardly backed off, not even willing to fight his demons, inner and outer ones. He knew that anonymous did have an easier life, but still, Simon was unable to shake the thought off.

He was letting go of that one person who he truly and wholeheartedly loved. Just because of his damn past. It angered him so much, just so-

Knock.

Simon groaned "come in."

"There was finally a letter today behind the rose bush, Mi'lord" Gunrett said, entering his study and handing over Violet's letter to Simon.

Simon took the letter "thank you."

Gunrett bowed to Simon and left.

Simon looked at the letter, and slowly opened it.

Dear Anonymous,

You are extremely sweet and yes, I know that you make me feel happy and loved. Because you truly do.

And honestly, after reading your last letter, I fell in love with you for quite some time. I started imagining a life with you, and spending it happily. In fact I was quite sure that I would spend the rest of my days ahead, solely waiting for you. Irrespective of the fact whether you would show up or not.

But, just the same day, I somehow(I still don't know how it happened) fell in love with someone else.

Yes, I know, that you must think of me as a madwoman, but indeed I love him.

Amidst our friendship(where he helped me endlessly), I started falling for him.

I started falling for his smile, his charm, his kindness- his everything. It turned from infatuation to love so quickly, that I lost myself to him.

And currently, he's told me to stay away from him, because of some issue which is supposedly holding him back. But I'm willing to wait and help him.

I don't know why, but now spending a life without him just doesn't seem right.

I'm densely in love with him, and I'm ready to face whatever consequences I have to just to be with the man I love.

For once, just once, I've felt this wave of happiness truly ripple through me, and I don't think I'll just give upon him. Because I know he needs me and I him.

I honestly and genuinely want to apologize to you.

I know you have feelings for me, but you have to forget me now....I'm really sorry, because I will never be able to return your feelings.

I suggest you to start looking for a woman who you can actually meet. Start loving her, understanding her and start knowing about her likes and dislikes.

I'm sure that she too shall fall in love with a wonderful man like you.

You deserve all the happiness in the world..

I suppose our correspondence ends here. I request you with my whole heart to not write a letter to me again, because I might not reply and it would hurt you.

I thank you once again for all the happiness you gave me..

Good bye.

Yours truly,

Miss Violet.

Simon stared at the letter, unable to believe. Here was actually a lady who loved him so much that she was stopping her correspondence with someone who actually gave her happiness unlike him.

Simon did not want that to happen at any cost. He instantly took out a crisp letter to write to her, and after writing it, he dropped his quill. No, he couldn't confuse her anymore. He might not be able to love her as Simon but as anonymous, he couldn't force her to reply and read his letters if she didn't want to.

He really wanted to write as anonymous and uplift her spirits, but he didn't think that she would even read his letters.

And yes, it would hurt him if she didn't read his letters. 

It would be like his feelings were trapped in a box that she would never open.

So he took the letter and shoved it in a violet envelope bearing violet fragrance. He absentmindedly drew a sketch of a violet bloom on the envelope, stood, and went to his room.

He kept it in his cupboard, out of his sight, in a small drawer. Maybe it would be his own little secret. A secret that would never be discovered. But it would reside for ever in his heart.

As he closed the drawer, his eye caught sight of the blue damask kept in the lower shelf.

He took it and unwrapped it.

The crystal shone and glistened, shining in his eyes.

Simon felt it in his palms and took it to his study.

He kept it beside his quill stand, and simply watched it.

It was beautiful. It had all memories that he'd spent with Violet trapped inside, begging to be released.

Richard had given it to me, when I'd turned six. He'd told me to give it to the person I loved the most apart from mother and father.

Good God! Violet loved him so much! And he loved her even more. He wished that he could have at least stayed with her for a week and then vanished, as his original plan was.

But he couldn't be so selfish as to fill her with more feelings and leave her with more pain to bear.

Simon felt tears at his eyes. He let his head fall back as he looked at the ceiling of his study, staring at it until his eyes turned dry.

Because in Simon Siddell's life, happiness and tears had no place.