"That's going to conclude our session today"
"Please, come back tomorrow, miss y/n. I really enjoy your visit, especially when it's in this room alone" He rasped sexily. He's sadistic. He finds amusement in her suffering. Then she won't suffer.
"don...
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❝Hard time ❞
Four years later
Her beautiful daughter, Alannia was born on the 24th of January weighing seven pounds and four ounces. The second she came into this world and her tiny eyes pried open, she was mesmerized, and at that moment, she fully took her heart.
She was the spitting image of a princess; she had his emerald hazel eyes and little tufts of blonde hair. She was beautiful with her small lips, button nose, and tiny hands.
Y/n was afraid to touch her as if she might accidentally break her; she was so fragile and small.
She remembered the day like it was yesterday, it had only been six days since she had arrived, time seemed to be flying by quickly.
Y/n smiled fondly at the memory.
Jin had squealed with joy and happiness when he first saw her, he had been by her side throughout my pregnancy and labor.
"Alannia was so gorgeous y/n, I'm so proud of both of you," He said, stroking the hair out of her face as he stared down at her newborn.
Y/n couldn't describe how much she wished to hear those words from her father's child. Jungkook.
She was a single mother.
Being single was the biggest challenge. she'd never been alone before. Yet it was made all the harder for the circumstances and the enforced solitude by those who felt so fit to be her judge and jury.
Now, she holds her head high as a strong woman who has survived such trauma and comes out the other side a good person who lovers herself and others. she can now stand alone.
Y/n appreciates herself more as she appreciates others more. Panic attacks are no more. Lonely feelings transformed into confident contentment with solitude.
Being pregnant was magical and she loved every single bit of it except the morning sickness part, the horrible cravings, the restless nights, mood swings, and the fact that she was getting fat.
The pregnancy was hard as new to y/n, she had her weight under control her whole life until pregnancy, then she has lost it big time.
She'd craved food the entire time, nothing unhealthy, just many more meals than usual. Where she wouldn't normally have eaten after dinner she was back for a bowl of cereal by 7:30 pm and snacking on crackers and cheese before bed.
And as if it wasn't hard for her, her baby had been taken out early by c-section due to blood-pressure complications and then kept in the hospital for two weeks.
She'd tried in vain to pump but the flow just didn't come in enough volume and the babe had to have a formula.
Before Alannia came along she had a picture in her head as to what his bedtime would be: a bath, warm milk with a story, teeth and tucked up with a teddy.
And her ideas were partially true, and that's because of how calm Alanna can be and how silent she's.
Yet, Alanna was a girl who loves playing and enjoy her time in her own way.
Sometimes she would ask about her father. Where he was? And when he will come back to them?
It was hectic.
Missing him was the hardest thing y/n had to deal with every day. No matter what she did to distract herself from the thought of having him next to her, there was not a single moment when she didn't think of him.
She couldn't help but imagined what would it have been like to have him here with them.
This was supposed to be an experience they shared together but here I was enjoying every moment with her little girl, all alone.
All she felt was guilt towards her beautiful child.
Y/n carried the guilts around with me every single day. The little girl didn't deserve this. Who would have thought that Jungkook wouldn't want his own flesh?
But what she excepted from a sick person?
He just didn't care and wanted nothing to do with them.
She still wrote to him updating on their child throughout her entire pregnancy and the first year of her life almost every day but never got a response.
And so she stopped sending those long letters and pictures because she came to a conclusion that she shouldn't waste her time and efforts for those who didn't give a flying thing about them.
It was them both. Her and her daughter.
Even if she loved him and still loves him.
Real love is never painful unless it is the pain of parting. Love is comfort and protection, it is nurture and acceptance. It is calm and passionate.
But she couldn't find that calm people talk about.
Dear Jungkook,
It's challenging to write a love letter, for when we do the soul is naked. Yet I fell in love with you the day we met.
Then I fell in love more deeply upon the second time. I couldn't say. I thought you wanted to be friends and that was all. It broke my heart. It was rough. But I'd take you as a friend than not at all. Love is that way. You stay. You do all the good you can for them while you do the best for yourself too, get on with your life, pursue your passions and talents... But then I walked away and you did too.
I had to protect myself from the pain of the emotions. I had to make some effort to get over you.
This will be the last letter you will receive from me, from us.
"I can't wait for Christmas, mama. " Alanna suddenly grinned making y/n raised an eyebrow at this silly girl in amusement.
"It can't wait for too baby," Y/n said, picking Ala up before kissing her both cheeks.
She was her only patience. Her only source of power.
