Eigengrau

Chapter Three

I was loving this calm feeling. It was so cozy and comfortable. Every night I used to get these horrible nightmares about the accident happening once again. I felt the glass piercing my skin and my head hitting the airbags again. I remembered feeling so trapped and suffocated. It was very common for me to wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air. I remember how I felt when I woke up to see that no one was there. Just a cold dark hospital room where the IV needle was poking my arm and every inch of my body was paralyzed with shock and the memory of pain. Yet today, after such a long time I had a dream of the old days.

I dreamt about hanging out with my friends from college. We were at Café Plaisir where I was relishing some good dessert. I was enjoying their company and at the same time worrying about how should I finish my next macroeconomics essay to meet the deadline. It felt so good and so safe but it was just a dream. Taking a long breath, I walked to the long mirror near the door and looked at myself. I was in my loose pajamas and my hair was a complete mess. Tiny strands of hair were springing out from every direction and I totally looked like a monster. But even though I looked terrible and I remembered yesterday night's events, I wasn't annoyed about it at all. Instead, I was so satisfied. There was no IV needle in my hand. I was at home and I just had such a wonderful dream. I couldn't have felt better. So, I made my appearance a little more suitable for breakfast and went down the stairs. Dad was cooking in the kitchen and soon the aroma of that beautiful chicken soup filled my senses making my mouth water even though I was five meters away from it.

With a smile on my face, I said, "Good morning dad. I am famished. Can I get some of that chicken soup? I can eat it at any time of the day even if it's for breakfast."

My dad looked at me and seeing that smile on my face his face lit up and he said, "Good Afternoon madame. It is only 12:25 PM in the afternoon. You woke up just in time for some good lunch. I was about to come and wake you up in 10 minutes anyways. How are you feeling? Is everything okay?"

"I am feeling great. I didn't have a nightmare yesterday and now I just feel so well-rested. Dad... why didn't you wake me up before?"

"I tried to wake you up at 10:00 AM, but you were sleeping so peacefully that I just didn't have it in me to disturb you. By the way who is Ito? You were constantly mentioning his name while you were asleep."

Ito? Who is that I wondered but Wow! I couldn't believe that it was 12:25 PM. Did I just end up sleeping for more than 14 hours? "I am not sure about Ito. Maybe I was dreaming about something or someone. I don't really know anyone called Ito. But 12:25 PM are you serious. Whoa! 14 hours is a good record even for me...", I giggled.

"Dad, where is mom and Emm?"

Sighing I said, "I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I overreacted and I know that it was not Max's fault but I am so sorry dad. It was just..."

Interrupting me he said, "It's okay. Everyone in the family knows that you were the one who suffered the most during the last six months. I have seen you in pain. I know how much you hated it. Max was very inconsiderate yesterday so it's good that you gave him a piece of your mind. Even his mom gave him a good earful for the way he spoke to you."

He slowly came near me and then I could feel his arms wrapped around me. After a second he said, "Hope, you are very brave. I know that you have suffered a lot but now it's over. You are home and you are completely fit. I spoke to your doctor on the phone today morning and he has told me to make sure that you exercise a lot. Your body needs to experience strain. The good type of strain. And if you exercise well and keep a good healthy diet, your weekly check-up sessions will also reduce in frequency. Mom is currently at work and Emma has gone out with her friends. Why don't we have some quality father-daughter time? Won't it be nice to watch a nice Bruce Lee movie and eat some good lunch? We can even go for a nice long walk in the evening. What do you think, want to go?"

Dad was always the best. Even when I was screaming with pain in the hospital room begging everyone to stop the medicine from the IV, he held my hand and kissed my forehead. He told me to be brave and gave me confidence. He was just about to let go of the hug when all of a sudden Bruce Lee pounced on us and then started licking my face. I missed him so much.

That day with my dad was one of the best memories that I have of him. The soup was great and the was food was yum but the spinach juice was just horrible. After the meal, we decided to re-watch our all-time favorite movie, 'Enter the Dragon'. He even made me walk and occasionally jog near the lake for more than an hour. We returned home by 7 PM and by that time mom and Emma were back home. Mom hugged me a bit too tightly and kissed my forehead about a hundred times before letting me go. I let her have her way today but these hundred forehead kisses were not happening again anytime soon.

Everything was back to normal or let's say as normal as it could get. Emma had been very helpful. I saw mom and Emma arguing near the kitchen counter but this wasn't new. Mom was always annoyed by something or the other. She always argued with me too but after the accident, mom was super nice to me. I heard mom shout in the middle of it and say, "And whose fault do you think it was that she almost died!"

Fault? Did I hear that correctly? They can't be speaking about me. It was my foolishness that I wanted to go for a drive at 2:00 AM that night. I tried so hard to remember why I drove so late that night but just couldn't remember. I got up from the sofa in the living room and started walking towards them.

"Mom, it was my fault that I almost died. Why are you arguing about that with Emma? I know it was wrong and utterly foolish of me but I really don't remember why I drove the car at 2:00 AM that night. My memory before the accident is a bit hazy."

She smiled and told me, "No Hope... Don't worry. Go back and continue watching the television. Iwas not blaming your sister. We are talking about something else." Despite the smile, I was so sure that she was irritated. Also, who elsecould they be talking about? I was the only one who almost died amongst everyonewe knew but I decided not to push it. I remember, even after the accident whenmy parents came to know that I drove a car at 2:00 AM in the middle of thenight, they never asked me any questions. They knew that my memories were hazybut not once did they ask me about why I drove so late or what happened thatnight. Mom, Dad, and Emma acted so weirdly whenever we spoke about that night.I always felt like they were hiding something from me.