Eigengrau

Chapter Eleven

After driving for almost half an hour I reached the café. Emma had been waiting for me. I could see that just like me she had barely slept. Her entire face was drenched in regret and worry. The moment I saw that, I felt horrible for all the things I said. I had been very mean and cruel to her and nothing could have justified my behavior. I sat down on a chair in front of her. Both of us were silent and didn't speak for a really long time. We just looked at each other and our surroundings. We waited for the other person to start the conversation.

After some time, Emma uttered in nothing less than a whisper, "Sorry."

I looked at her with mixed emotions. I felt angry, betrayed, and guilty at the same time. She continued speaking, "I am sorry Hope. I know that you think it was my fault and you are right. It is! To a great extent, it has been my fault. Ever since you got into that accident, I have been trying to forgive myself but I just couldn't. I hated the fact that I was the reason behind everything that happened. I am so so so sorry!

That night when you didn't show up, I thought you went back home because you were angry at me. It was only until the next morning that I came to know what happened. Dad called and told me that you got into an accident the previous night. He told me how you were in a coma and were in a critical state. When I came to know that, I knew that if you did die, it would be because I would have had killed you. I hated it so much! I felt so guilty. If you really had died, I couldn't have lived with what I did. It would have killed me!"

Her eyes were moist. Looking at her I apologized. "I am sorry for the way I behaved but that morning when I remembered what happened, I was heartbroken. Mom, dad, you... none of you ever mentioned a single word about all this. I was too shocked to process anything and control the way I behaved or the words I said. I have been thinking about everything that happened. Thinking about it every second of the day and I know that it is your fault... but it is also my fault.

Both of us are partially responsible for it and don't you dare say that you couldn't have lived because of the guilt. If you really feel guilty for something, you don't kill yourself. Even if I had died, I would rather prefer you atoning for it by living and by being sorry for it for the rest of your life. Emma... I love you and I am really really sorry!!! You are the reason why I got into that accident but I am also at fault. I am so sorry that I made you feel this way but promise me, you won't ever hurt yourself for no matter what the reason. That night, when I thought you were planning to kill yourself, you had no idea what I went through. Don't ever think about such a thing! Promise me..."

"I promise."

Both of us were in tears and it had been a very emotional morning. We hugged and talked about a lot of things. Emma had finally managed to forgive herself for what she did and although I still blamed her partially for all the things that happened, I had somehow managed to forgive her. We spent a lot of time together and then we spoke to our parents. Everything had been sorted out. We both had decided to go home but first I had to go to Kris's house and get some of my stuff. So, I got in the car and Emma started walking towards the bus stop.

I was waiting at the four-way intersection for the signal to turn green. To the left, on the other side of the road, some people were crossing. I could see Emma amongst them. She waved at me from across the road and I waved back. A few seconds later, the signal turned green and I started driving. All of a sudden I heard a car's engine roar. I turned my head to the direction of the sound. On the far end of the road to my right, I saw a car. It was getting bigger and bigger every second. The signal for the car was red so I thought it would stop. I was driving right in the middle of the intersection when I heard a very loud sound of a crash. The car had just hit a bus full of people with great force. This sudden impact had made the bus topple down. I looked around me. I was right in the middle of a group of people and a toppled bus.

In less than ten seconds my brain had the following thoughts.

First I heard a voice... "Hope drive! Come on... push the accelerator."

Then I heard another voice counter, "But if you do that, the bus would hit the people behind you."

"Save yourself! Drive the car now..." The first voice begged.

"Emma is amongst that group of people. If you dodge the bus, she would be hit. Save her."

"If you don't dodge it, you would be hit. Don't you think you have had enough? She nearly killed you once. Do you want to die because of her once again? Drive now!!!"

Before I knew it, I had hit the brakes. I could have easily moved out of its way but instead, I stayed still. I was right in the middle of the toppled bus and the group of people. In less than a fraction of a second, I was hit. The glass of my car was broken and my head hit the airbags with great force. I was bleeding but I wasn't sure from where. My vision was a blur. I heard some people scream. The bus had blocked my entire view to the right. With great effort, I turned my head to the left. I saw people running. There was broken glass everywhere. Amidst all this confusion, I saw a shadow run towards me. My vision was completely blurred by now.

That's when I heard a voice, "Breathe Sis... Breathe. Please!!!! Please don't die. The ambulance is on its way. Please breathe..."

It was from Emma. She was safe! I had managed to shield her from the bus I had managed to save her from a horrible accident. I took a sigh of relief but this action made me feel even more suffocated. Soon the voices around me dwindled and all I could see was eigengrau.