Eigengrau

Chapter Ten

I was still sitting on that bench. Paralyzed with shock and tears running down my cheeks. Bruce Lee was enjoying playing in the snow. I sat still for a long time. Emma had called me three times by now. After sitting in that cold for what felt like a really long time, I decided to head back home. I leashed Bruce Lee and started walking back. Wiping my cheeks and still trying to recover from that horrible memory, I kept on walking. I was walking very slow. It was mostly Bruce Lee dragging me back home. Around forty-five minutes, I reached home. I opened the door and set Bruce Lee free.

Then I heard her yell, "Mom, Dad... Emma's home!" and then looking at me with a little anger, she asked, "Where the hell have you been and why didn't you pick up my call?"

I stayed silent. I looked her in the eyes. She didn't have a hint of remorse on her face. I removed my jacket and my boots. I didn't answer. I walked towards the shoe rack to keep my shoes when she grabbed my shoulder. Immediately I shoved her hand and yelled, "Don't touch me!"

Startled by my action, "What the hell is wrong with you? Also, where the hell have you been and why didn't you pick up my call?"

I stared her into the eyes. I didn't utter a word. I just kept staring until she made a very annoyed expression. The moment I saw that expression on her face, all my emotions burst out in fury. Still staring into her eyes, I said with anger that I could feel in my bones, "Why should I pick your call? So that you can prank me once again like a little kid!"

Her face was paralyzed with shock. I continued, "Tell me... why should I pick your call? The last time I picked it, I nearly died!"

Hearing me yell, my parents came running to the door. Emma was shocked. Her eyes were moist. In a very shaken state, she told me, "I am so sorry Hope!" Breathing heavily she began crying. She continued to talk, "It was just supposed to be harmless fun. I never thought in my wildest dreams that you would get in an accident."

"Harmless fun! Are you serious? Your stupid harmless fun led to my neck being cut open with glass. I couldn't breathe and had seizures. I had to stay in a hospital for almost 6 months! Do you know how painful a distal humerus fracture is!? To date, my left arm hurts. I have a plate and screws in my hand because of your harmless fun! Just because you decided to get drunk with your friends, and play a prank on me, I nearly died."

Looking at my parents, I asked, "Both of you knew, didn't you? Answer me!"

Mom replied in a small whisper, "Yes Hope."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Mom continued, "You didn't remember it and I did not want to burden you with all this. You were really weak and I wanted you to focus on recovery."

"Focus on recovery! That's just nonsense. You didn't tell me because you did not want your other daughter to get into trouble. Had I known, the cops would have known. That way, Emma and her ridiculous friends would have been arrested for underage drinking and... and... and... I don't know! but I am pretty sure that all of them would have been arrested for causing my accident and nearly killing me!"

Emma replied, "We didn't cause your accident. Your car slipped on ice. Had you been paying more attention you would have been safe!"

"Why do you think, I didn't pay attention to the ice? My ridiculous sister decided to call me at 01:47 AM in the middle of the night and told me that she wanted to die. Do you really think, after hearing that, I would be paying much attention to my surroundings!? I thought you were planning to kill yourself..."

Dad was silent and mom's face had lost all its color. Emma just continued to cry. I had made up my mind. I couldn't stay here for one second amongst all of them. I grabbed my shoes and the car keys and dashed out the door. I sat in the driver's seat and started the engine. I hadn't driven in two years. I thought that I would get scared and won't be able to drive but I could. I wasn't scared. I pressed the accelerator and the car moved. I wasn't freaking out. Instead, I was driving. I just kept on driving. The car speed was slow but I drove. I kept on driving until I reached Kris's house. When Kris saw me, she was in shock. She was shocked that I drove here and that I was in tears. Soon, we went inside and she brought me some hot tea. I told her everything and kept on crying. She called my parents and informed them that I would be staying at her place for a few days.

The next day, Marcus came over. He understood the entire situation and we spoke about it for a long time. He asked me to think about it rationally.

After a really long conversation, Marcus told me, "Hope, your accident was not Emma's fault."

I felt betrayed. "Not her fault? Then whose fault was it? Mine!"

"No, it wasn't your fault either. It was no one's fault. That night, you were just unlucky. Think about it rationally. Emma was just having fun with her friends. There was no way they would have known that their stupid prank would ever result in such horrible consequences. I do agree that it was very immature of them to call you so late and make you go through that horrible emotional turmoil but it was just bad luck. No one is at fault in this case."

"What about my parents? They hid it from me. Why would they do that?"

"They hid it to protect their daughter. Both their daughters..."

I was very silent for the rest of the day. Marcus left and I thought about it for a long time. I spoke to my parents on call. They apologized and explained the entire situation to me. I didn't know how to react. I hated the fact that everyone was protecting Emma. I was the one who suffered multiple surgeries. I was the one who skipped two semesters of college. It was me who had to go to those painful physiotherapy sessions. Emma didn't go through all of this. I did. Emma had called me multiple times in the last few days. She had texted me about how sorry she way and how she would have done anything in the world to change that night. I was angry at everyone around me but after two whole days of crying, frustration, and removing my anger on almost everyone around me, I calmed down and thought about everything for a very long time.

That night, I barely slept for an hour. I had finally understood that it was not her fault but I hated that! I wanted someone to blame but all I could do was over-complicate things and make everyone around me miserable. In the morning, I texted Emma to meet me at a café near my college. It was a twenty-five-minute drive and Kris offered to take me there but I decided to go on my own.

I wish I could tell everyone how sorry I was in behaving like that. It had been exactly 783 days since my first accident Ito had told me that after 783 many days, I would be given a choice. A choice where there will be consequences to whatever I choose. The time had come for me to make that choice but I couldn't remember any of this.