You
You with the purple hair and soft skin
Why did I love you?
I always thought my first love was gonna be amazing and bliss and perfect. And honestly, even though there were some bad parts, It fit the bill. We were so cute. We didn't show PDA like the rest of them but we were adorable. The heart out the window when you'd get off the bus. The notes. Holy shit, the notes. The song I did for you. Songs. Plural. We were imperfect but I needed that in that moment. I've been known to throw around that strong word. Love. But I've done a lot of educating and learning and thinking and I think it was. Love. I was in love. It probably wouldn't have lasted anyways. Your mom and stepdad. All the other drama. I'm happy things went how they went cause we can still talk. We can still hold conversations. We still care about each other and I'm happy that never went away. Thank you for teaching me SO FUCKING MUCH. You've seen me grow and hurt and get back up and its always great to know you're not alone.
But don't worry, this isn't another note. I swore to you and to myself I wouldn't do that again. Dont let me do that again. this is more for myself. For her. For closure.
so...
You
You with the soft voice and bright laugh
Do I love you?
A crush. I'll call it a crush. I'll say its a crush until I know for absolutely sure. All I know is that you're perfect. Amazing. Any time I see my phone light up with your name I cant help but smile. Any time I think of you I want to grab my guitar and write a million songs in hopes one of them will express how I feel about you. But we cant see eachother. How can we be sure eachother even excists. Now, I know what you're thinking, wow joy! You, along with every other hopeless romantic queer, has found an attractive girl online and is now calling it love! No. I was searching to a collab. I found a friend. Along with all of that came a different feeling. I havnt felt like this is so long. I didnt want to. I didnt want to feel like this until I knew it wouldnt end in heartbreak again. And the way I know I'm ready is that I know it will. It will end in hearbreak. With every high, there is a matching low. I will lose you one day. But I want to experiance that high with you and nobody else. I want to get my heartbroken if that means getting to know you. I wanna have deep conversations that leave us lauhging until we fall asleep on a blanket on a rooftop. and with that I wanna a have an argumentthat leaves us crying in seperate rooms because we cant stand the thought of staying mad at eachother.
But I cant jump the gun. I cant plan a future with a girl I barely even know. I know theres romantic tention in every conversation we have. I just need more conversations to know theres something there. To put a title on it. But even when I know it's love, it cant happen for a while. Youre a 24 hour drive away. Even if we meet in the middle, we're just kids. What would we do have our parents drive us to the beach? Actually that sounds lovely. Anyways, a consistant and stable romantic relationship just isnt feasable for kids like us. Its sad to say but we need to aim for friends to one day become more or nothing will come of it.
Well... You
You with the bangs and the raspey voice
You with the self awareness of a 40 year old
Joy
remember this feeling.
Its amazing and remarkable and uncomparable.
If you dont write a million songs about it you are doing something wrong.
You were waiting. Waiting to know you werent still thinking of her. Soft skin, purple hair. Well heres your sign. She's nothing but a past relationship and a close friend now. Move on in your love life because there are so many more things to be done.
You've still yet to kiss someone and remember it.
Goodluck joy.
