The Weigh to Happiness

Indulgence

Felix snuck a glance at his companion, wondering if she was in as much pain as she appeared to be in. Her bones jutted against paper thin skin, sinews stretching against inadequate flesh, her cheeks were hollow and pale, and her eyes. They were the saddest eyes he'd ever seen.

The girl looked absolutely haunted, her starved figure functioning against all logic.

Hannah. He reminded himself, repeating the name she'd given the barista. Not just some girl, but Hannah.

"Thank you." Her voice was barely above a whisper as the barista set her tea down. As angry as she'd seemed before, she seemed terrified now, as if she'd put up an angry front to keep people away so she wouldn't have to face the things that scared her. But now she was here, and Felix realized he was probably her worst nightmare: a big fat guy who openly embraced indulgence.

"Thanks." Felix said, picking up his mocha in his free hand. To Hannah he said, "Do you want to sit on the couches?"

His slender companion nodded, so Felix took the lead, automatically picking the route with the widest aisles.

"Perfect." He said, sinking down onto the sturdier looking couch, and watching Hannah sit delicately beside him, as if she was afraid to make any noises or quick motions. "Have you been here before?"

Hannah shook her head, and Felix wondered if he'd been wrong to ask her out, but then she seemed to pull herself together enough to join the conversation. "No. I haven't been many places." She admitted, glancing around the room. "It's nice though. Have you been here much?"

Felix swallowed a bite of his brownie and laughed. "Yeah, much is a good word for it. The coffee at those meetings isn't much to write home about. Besides, the brownies they make here are fantastic."

Hannah smiled tightly, her eyes on her tea, and suddenly Felix worried he was talking about food too much. For the past few years he'd cultivated a personality that centred around not feeling embarrassed about his size or his appetite. He knew that somehow his self confidence made some people uncomfortable, as if they were embarrassed on his behalf, but he usually ignored that. It wasn't his fault that they felt second hand shame at his obesity, so he didn't try to hide his appetite.

But Hannah was a bit different. He wasn't worried that talking about food would make her feel second hand embarrassment. He was worried that talking about food might trigger her first hand issues with food and scare her away.

"I have a good brownie recipe."

Felix started, surprised by the revelation. "Oh, do you like brownies?"

"I like baking." Hannah said hesitantly. "Baking is fun. Eating my baking... Is a little harder for me." She paused, flicking her eyes up to him and then back down. "I mean obviously I don't--I mean--I've struggled with my weight since I was twelve."

Felix nodded as if it were the most natural confession anyone could make. "How old are you?" He asked, half to keep the conversation friendly and open, and half because he was genuinely curious. The thinness of her frame, the wide eyed, haunted look on her face, made her look as if she were still twelve, but Felix suspected she was closer to his age. And he was definitely hoping she was close to his age.

"Twenty two."

Felix smiled. "Me too. But I stopped worrying about my weight two years ago."

Hannah looked at him in surprise. "Really?"

The corner of Felix's mouth twitched. "Are you surprised that I was able to get over my concerns or that it only took two years to get to this size?" He asked, amused by the look on her face.