self control ; quackity x reader

part 19

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i walked into something that i had never expected to happen. alex's hands were wrapped against the neck of levi who was pinned up against the wall, not even fighting back. alex's eyes were filled with fury and to my surprise, so were levi's but... there was a slight smugness to them which i hadn't taken notice of in that moment. all i was focused on was alex and what he was doing.

"ALEX GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM!" i screamed.

the two boys looked over at me. i looked into alex's eyes, pleading. his hands slowly loosened around levi's neck and dropped to his side in defeat.

"levi, get out of here," i said, still staring at alex.

"you think i'm gonna leave you alone with this asshole?!" he said, walking towards me almost choking on his own words as he had his hand on his neck.

"levi. get the FUCK out. just go back to the room. aksel is in the lobby. tell him to do the same."

he stood and stared at me for a few seconds, breathing heavily but he decided to give in and leave the room.

i was furious.
"you have no self control," i said to alex.

"i have no self control?!" he said, taking a step towards me, pointing at himself before pointing out the door. "DON'T YOU KNOW? LOOK AT LEVI, HE-"

"LOOK AT LEVI? LAST TIME I LOOKED AT HIM YOU HAD YOUR HANDS WRAPPED AROUND HIS THROAT AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT HE'S THE ONE WITH NO SELF CONTROL?"
i lowered my voice. "alex, for this past year, you've just ignored me. you never even gave me an explanation as to why you suddenly started acting that way and you've just become so much worse ever since levi got here. you're messing with my head." my voice began to raise and start breaking at the end of each sentence. "please, just tell me what's going on. you went from being my best friend to a stranger who hates me to kissing me? you're confusing, alex! if you hated me so much before, then why'd you do it?"

"i never hated you. i have no idea, y/n. i just didn't know what to do. i've never felt this way for anyone before. i was scared, okay? so i tried to make myself forget about it. i'm sorry."

i could see the sadness in his eyes but that in no way justified his actions. "are you fucking crazy, alex? you treated me like shit! you know, i liked you too before you went cold towards me. hell, maybe i even loved you. why couldn't you have just told me?"

"i didn't know how. god, y/n! you're beautiful! you always have been! it hurt me to treat you this way but i just didn't want to accept the fact that i was in love with you. i didn't know how you felt about me. i didn't know what to do or how to act. you make me feel every goddamn emotion there is relating to love. you make the butterflies in my stomach go insane. sometimes, i feel like my whole world revolves around you. i want to protect you. to care for you. to love you. i.. i fucking love you, y/n.

my eyes began to well up. i realised that this is all i had ever wanted to hear him say. this is all so fucked up but.. did i still love him all this time? no, i couldn't have. but before i could say anything; to express my feelings at all...
"i..."

alex's facial expression changed. his eyebrows dropped and furrowed.
"there," he said with a strong voice. one of his eyebrows slightly lifted. "is that what you want to hear?"

a lump in my throat rose up. my whole stomach dropped and my heart ached. is that what you want to hear? i managed to take a small breath in and looked him right in the eyes. i scoffed in disbelief. i was choking on my tears. a burning sensation filled my eyes. i began to speak, softly but sternly.
"alex... you're out of your mind." the words came out as a whisper. "you completely ruined everything the exact fucking moment you laid hands on him. you know... i do believe i loved you. loved. and not just because you were my best friend. but that will never change now. i never want to see you again." i wiped away the tears welling up in my eyes before he could see them fall.

i looked him in the eyes one last time. they were wide and filled with regret, shame, sorrow. i saw the pain in his eyes but at that moment i didn't feel anything for him. i was mad... and so incredibly heartbroken.

i turned around slowly and walked off, leaving him alone.

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