Unexpected ☆ Hardzello

Chapter 7

I'm finally back, enjoy! :)
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There was no filming today, the boys just hung out. Since this morning with Ben showing up looking like he cried the night away, Joe was completely worried. Scratch that, Joe was always worried about him, he was just EXTRA worried.

As they went shopping, he could tell Ben was being detached from the world around him. His eyes looked hollow and darker today than usual.

Ben walked through the department store with the other three, quiet as a mouse. He didn't feel like talking.

He stared at the baby clothes as they passed by them. He wanted to touch them but Joe would be questioning him.

Joe thought it was weird though that while the rest of them bought a few outfits, Ben didn't touch or buy anything. There were many shirts and pants that Joe knew for sure that Ben loved but why didn't he want them?

Ben knew he would need new clothes soon but he would rather buy them when Joe wasn't around.

He tried to act as normal as he could around Joe not to cause any suspicion, but Joe had already started to notice something was wrong with him.

"Ben, are you sure you don't want that shirt? I don't mind buying it for you."

"Joe, I'm sure. You wouldn't have to buy me anything, I have money. I just don't have room in my closet at home, that's all." Joe let it slide but wasn't entirely believing it.

Ben really just wanted to go home. Every time he looks at Joe, he's reminded of the dream he had and it breaks his heart even more. All he wants in the world is for Joe to be there for him and love him. Joe might be there for him but he will never love him. Ben knew he had to respect that, no matter how much it hurt.

Ben's mind continued wandering and wandering, trying to focus on something that would make him happy. He tried to think of all his favorite things—everything fell back to Joe though.

He tried to think of Frankie. He loved her, she is his dog. She is someone he could always talk to without being judged. He wished he had her with him at this very moment, maybe she could bring him some comfort.

He tried to think of his child, excluding Joe from the picture for a moment. Excluding Joe from the image of his child was harder to do. He wondered if their child would have green eyes or hazel? Would they have blond or auburn hair? Would they be introverted or extroverted? No matter what they were going to be, they'd be perfect in his eyes. He loved his child so very much. Only at 12 weeks, he knew they were going to be great.

Joe stared at the boy who hung his head low. He tried to capture his attention several times now but Ben was so lost in thought that his focus didn't even break. It worried Joe more and more.

Gwilym and Rami didn't seem as concerned and it confused Joe. It was obvious something was bothering Ben and they seemed to ignore it or not acknowledge it. Joe wasn't calling his friends bad, they just seemed to be oblivious or not caring right now.

Joe felt a static, dark pit stirring in his chest. He felt slightly nauseous at random ideas of what could be wrong with Ben: Ben doesn't want to be around you anymore and they know, Ben is ignoring you because you did something wrong, and the list went on and on. Joe took a deep breath and calmed down. Whatever was wrong with Ben surely isn't as bad as he thinks it is.

—

Daytime slowly turned into night. Ben was curled up on his bed with a book in his hand, listening to the others as they played poker at the table in the room. Ben had seen somewheres that reading would help take your mind off things and help you calm down. Ben's mind was overworked today making him extremely tired but not sleepy. Anxiety was keeping him awake.