𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 - 𝐬𝐚𝐦 𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐬

SEXY

"The Celibacy Club will now come to order." Miss Pillsbury said with a smile, looking at the three girls in her midst. "Let's start the meeting by reading the minutes from last week's meeting, where we...read the minutes from the previous meeting, and Rachel spent the hour quizzing Quinn about the nature of her relationship with Finn. "

"Questions somebody still refuses to answer." Rachel fiddled with her pen in frustration.

"And I will continue to refuse to answer them, because they are none of your business." Quinn bit back. "All I will reveal is that I rejoined the Celibacy Club with my best friend so we can focus on ourselves. Right, Ali?"

Playing with her hair to avoid the awkward tension, Alicia's eyes snapped up at the mention of her name. Honestly, she had no interest in the Celibacy Club. She'd only come along because she had nothing better to do, as well as the crucial fact that Quinn had promised to buy her lunch for the next week if she accompanied her. "Yep, totally."

"Me, too. Finn is kryptonite, which is why I'm focusing all my energies now on my songwriting."

Miss Pillsbury offered an optimistic smile at Rachel. "Yes. And, I have to say, I am very inspired that all three of you girls are showing how celibacy is a viable option for teens who simply aren't ready for intimacy. And for those who are older and are terrified of the hose monster. I have a little bit of club swag here that I think is really going to catch on. Ready? Chastity charms. We hand out the little hearts, but not the key. That way, nobody can open the lock forever. And, ladies, that's what keeps us safe!"

She gestured to the necklace happily, earning smiles from all three girls. Who could say no to free jewelry, especially when it was that cute?

"I have some questions. Some things that I'm curious about." Rachel began awkwardly with a click of her pen.

"No, no, no. Why be curious?" Miss Pillsbury shook her head. "No. Wait to have relations until you're comfortable. Right? Maybe 'til your honeymoon. I don't know, maybe even later. Celibacy, ladies! Dig it!"

ꕤ  ꕤ  ꕤ

"Sexy." Mr Schue said excitedly, underlining the word on the whiteboard and turning on his heel.

"I really hope that's not one of the requirements for Regionals, because with Berry in those tights, we don't stand a chance." Santana said with a concerned expression.

"No, this isn't about Regionals. I'm less worried about that right now and more worried about the fact that it's become clear to me that some of you have been lacking when it comes to understanding the...the...um...the intricacies of adult relationships." Mr Schue said hesitantly, immediately earning chuckles from the group. "Yeah, anyways. Along with preparing for our regionals next week, I want to spend the week educating ourselves about some of these intricacies."

"Is this the appropriate forum for that?" Rachel asked, uncomfortably.

"Look, whenever we had, uh, issues in the past that are on our minds or giving us problems, it's always helped us to sing about it. So this week I have invited a special guest. Ms Holliday!"

"Hola, class." Ms Holliday sauntered into the room to an immediate round of applause and cheers from everyone in the group. Well, nearly everyone.

"Oh no, it's the salad lady." Mercedes muttered.

"Okay, so...sex. It's just like hugging, only wetter."

"Yeah it is." Artie added, a little too enthusiastically for Alicia's liking.

"Okay, so let's start with the basics. Finn, is it true that you thought you got your girlfriend pregnant via hot tub?"

As all eyes turned to Finn, he looked worried. "I have always been dubious."