i was smoking
with this girl once
we sat at her balcony
her gulshan apartment
with the skyline of a side of dhaka
i knew scarcely
we looked out
of her floor to ceiling
windows
on the marble
tiled
floor
looking out
at a great big mansion
in the middle of
such a city
and she had smoked
not yell
so she was
not well
it was when she
while in a state
she was scared of
wanted
to get
out of
immediately
called
upon his brother
telling him
how
she had
smoked
not well
and she was
not well
and he helped
her
later she called
not one
but two
people
immediately
knowing
their love
thier
কর্তব্য
to
love
you
take care
of you
then i knew
i am not
a part
of this world.
i dont mean to be dramatic,
i simply mean
that i had not
ever
opened up to one person
whom i
let in
let see who i am
in whichever moment
as i am
always, truly
only rarely
not
again
i am not trying
to be dramatic
i simply
am saying.
do not tell me
just let go, just let them in just allow them
because i
truly
am not capable of it
my brother came in
and i wanted to see
if i was (all bark
and no bite)
but i
simply
could not.
i cannot, the way,
when
my brother
is one of those people
who can flare out the
end
of their
noses
and it is so hilarious
but i simply
just
cannot.
i dont know
which muscle it is
i am
to reach
with my sensory neurones
i think
i simply just
must not
have it
i try and
my eyebrows wiggle
i try
and i move
my nose my whole
damn
nose.
that is how much
i have not
can not
and will never
let someone
be a part of my life
come into the bubble
that is my
mind
soul
&
body
the venn diagram of my life
who enters
the single cell
that has one (1)
unit(?)
i simply do not
belong to this world
or i am
living through this world
the way bojack horseman
went underwaters
(metaphoric on its own- too)
could survive
but not
so speak
(spoiler alert: he then realised
there had been
a way
to speak
after all
after it was
too late)
he could hear
see
feel
and absorb
but never give back
a single response
anything that swnds
floats its wing
erupting
violent storms
or (legendary)
lovestories
(for i cant lie i must send out enough signals
to knock stuff around
and cause some general output
)
i am not
of this world
oh
how lonely i've been.
