Love Doctors {Harley Quinn x Poison Ivy}

Chapter 12: Funniest Villan

**A/N: Hey guys....its been awhile. Sorry I haven't been posting chapters lately. I ran out of ideas. I've been reading more fanfictions lately and have a few ideas now. Hopefully, chapters will be posted more consistently. Going to try to post at least a chapter a week, maybe more if I get in a mood. If you are still reading, thank you! Happy reading.**

The Joker's pov:
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     I burst through the front doors with my goons by my side, all carrying bags of money from the bank we just robbed. The citizens of Gotham all scattered away at the sight of me. I threw my head back, letting out a long hysterical laugh.

     "Let's go, boys." I said running towards the getaway van as it came screeching down the street towards the bank.

     My goons let me get in first before throwing the money bags into the back of the van. As the last of my men climbed into the back, a batarang broke through the windshield at the front of the van where I was sitting.

     I rolled my eyes as the batarang barely missed my green hair. I stepped out of the van as I put my hands in the pockets of my purple jacket.

     "Joker." Batman spat as he landed in front of me.

     "Heya, Batsie." I mocked. "Did you miss me?"

     Batman pounced towards me, but I leapt to the side, causing Batman to slide across the road. I cackled as I pulled out my gun from the side of my jacket. I aimed it at the bat and put my finger on the trigger. In a split second, he shot another batarang toward my hand, slicing it open and making me drop the gun. Batman scrambled to his feet and kicked the gun out of my reach. He balled his hands into a fist.

     "You sly sly bat. Fine. Have it your way then." I said wiping my hand across my mouth, leaving a smear of blood, as I pulled out a pocket knife. "Let's dance."

     It looked like a showdown in those old timey cowboy movies. It was just me and the bat, circling around, waiting for the other to make a move. My men stayed in the corner; they knew better than to interfere with me and Batman's rivalry.

     Batman ran towards me, his right hand raised for a punch. I ran back at him, my blade shining under the moonlight. The fight went back and forth. He swung. I ducked. I jabbed. He dodged.

     "Let it go, Joker. There's no where to go." Batman said in his deep gargly voice.

     "Well I could." I smirked. "But where's the fun in that?"

     I launched at batman, my knife slicing across his cheek. He grabbed my hand and bent it back until the knife fell to the floor. He lifted me off the ground by my neck with one hand as he rammed me in the stomach.

     "I didn't depict you as the kinky type." I mocked as I felt my face turning purple.

     He threw me to the sidewalk as he forced my hands behind my back. I mockingly laughed as my men grabbed a nearby fleeing woman and held a gun to her head. Noticing she was pregnant, Batman turned his attention towards her.

     "Go ahead. Take the boss to Arkham and she dies." My goon said shooting looks at batman. "Is it really worth an innocent life? You know we will just break Mr.J out of Arkham anyways. There doesn't have to be any violence here."

     Batman shoved my head into the concrete, almost knocking me out. Through fuzzy eyes, I watched as the goon cocked the gun before returning it to her head. Batman grunted as he threw my body towards a wall as he rushed towards the woman. He brought the woman towards his side and used his grappling hook to take her away. I belted out a laugh before passing out on the sidewalk.

--

     I awoke in my bed at my hideout. I chuckled to myself remembering the night before. I went to stand up, but felt my knee wobble as I added pressure. I limped over to the elevator and took it down to the lobby where my crew was waiting for me.

     "What the hell Is going on here?!" I screamed as I saw naked strippers crowding the lobby.

     "Ah!" I heard one of my men scream. "Uh....hiya boss. We didnt think you would be awake this early. Ya know...with you being hurt and all."

     "Hurt? HURT?!?!" I hysterically laughed holding my sides. "Oh is that right? You think a man cosplaying as a bat can hurt me? ME?! What do you take me for; some crippled old man?! Well...hahaha........I'll show you crippled!"

     I reached into my pocket, pulled out my gun, and shot the goon in the head. His brains exploded with blood, staining the floor and walls. I rubbed my temples before pointing my finger towards the door. The strippers got the message and scrambled out, to frightened to even put their clothes back on.

     "Now, does anyone else have a smartass comment?" I paused, hearing no response. "That's what I thought. Now clean this shit up. I'm gonna go take a piss."

     I angrily stormed off back into the elevator. As it took me back up to my room, my anger started to boil over. I could feel myself losing it. I sat down in the corner of the empty elevator as I put my hands over my ears, trying to block out the voices.

     "They dont love you, Arthur.........they fear you..........they would turn you in the second they get a chance............you're alone........again.......poor little Arthur......always alone............" the voices chanted at me.

     I screamed a painful scream as I punched the elevator's wall. Feeling the throbbing pain in my knuckles, I started laughing. Pain was something I was never a stranger to. In fact, I welcomed it. I threw my head back as I laughed like I hadn't laughed in a long time. I gasped for air as I held my ribs. I stumbled into my bedroom before throwing myself into my bed, burying my face into my pillow. I laughed hard and loud into the pillow. I laughed so hard, I felt a few drops of pee leak. Still trying to catch my breath, I took off to the bathroom, letting the pee release.

     Regaining my sanity, I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyeliner I put underneath my eyes was running  down my face from the tears of laughter. I examined my face, seeing a blood stain from where I wiped my hand last night. I wet a rag and tried to wipe the stains off. My mind threw me into a flashback as I remembered how many nights I spent wiping blood off my face from my father. I scrubbed harder trying to get rid of the thoughts. I didnt stop rubbing until I saw my skin started peeling from me scrubbing. I dropped the rag and put my fingers into the sides of my mouth, forcing myself into a smile.

     "The smile hides the insanity." I could almost hear my father say.

---

     It had been a few hours and I decided to go back down to the lobby for a drink. I strutted up to the bar as I poured a shot of tequila. I leaned my back against the bar as I watched the tv.

     "Breaking news: Gotham's funniest villan couple strikes again. Bruce Wayne returned to work this morning to find all of his expensive technology was filled with glitter and glue. Millions of dollars was lost in damage due to the reckless actions of Harley Quinn and Poison ivy." The news anchor reported.

     I spat out my drink and threw the glass at a nearby wall. I ripped the tv off its mount and slammed it on the floor, stomping my heel into the screen until it broke.

     "You alright there, Mr. J?" My right hand man asked from the corner.

     "Am I alright?!? Did you even hear what they said?!" I asked rhetorically. " 'the funniest villains in Gotham'. IM supposed to be the funniest one. They are women. Women aren't funny! I'm funny. These two slut biscuits aren't even close to my level!"

     "So what are you going to do about it?" He asked looking me up and down.

      "Well I'm familiar with Ivy. That plant bitch isnt even close to humorous, so I'm not worried about her. No......its that Harley chick that must be running the pranks." I smiled a wicked smile. "I'm gonna kidnap Harley Quinn."