My Way

Chapter 3

I promise..
To forever put myself first.

And it was time for me to let the world get a good look at me again.. but I needed a little push because I'm stubborn, and I'm poisonous.

"We are going out.. SOMEWHERE London! We're gonna get your fine ass dressed, we're gonna get your makeup done, hair, pedi and nails and we're in the streets! You have tons of clothes and shoes that you haven't touched. I'm sick of seeing you wearing an oversized shirt with your hair in a bun!" River argues and I look at her in disgust because I enjoy being alone in the comfort of my home. I never asked her to come here.
"Cool. Let's do it." I say in a small voice. I'm ready to live again... but I'm afraid of adjusting. I don't want to be outside where the wild things are for long periods of time... because I'll just turn into one of them.
"Sayless!" River says sharply, and I cringe at her excitement for me agreeing to finally get out the house.
It was a long day for me because I normally get everything situated in two days, and I had to everything last minute. Buying weave and rushing to Misty to do my hair and makeup. Afterwards, I've gotta rush to the nail salon before they close. Luckily I made it to take the last appointments. I'm pretty plain when it comes to nails, so with my calculations, I should be finished at a quarter to 7pm.
I enjoy doing things on my own, so River called me every 30 minutes to confirm what I was doing at the moment.
I also get annoyed easily, but I'm working on it. After spending my whole day getting pampered, I showed my ass on Snapchat and transferred the bad bitch pictures and videos on my Instagram story. This is me smiling and winking my eye at the world.
A little after 9pm, River pulled up to my place and a few others called me to see where I was going so they could meet me there. I honestly wasn't ready to be fucked up with a crowd yet so I lied and told them it was a business meeting.
I'm a popular loner...
But I'm working on it.
Suddenly my heart starts racing... there's a lot of noise going on in my mind and I can't quite figure out what's being said. I can see me running through chaos.. and I'm trying to connect with myself before I lose it again..
This is anxiety... interrupting me while preparing for an outing. Be happy for me for once instead it's steady drowning me.. so I look in the mirror.. take a deep breath..
"One.. two.. three.." exhale.. inhale.. exhale.
"Damn I'm fine!" I whisper to myself.
Here goes River...
"Bitch you are fine as fuck! Let's go so these niggas can DIE stiff!" She says and I turn my head away from her to smile. She always catches it because of my dimples, but this time... this time.. she doesn't call me out.
After going back and fourth about me not driving my car for about 10 minutes.. I finally agree to ride with her.
"So where are we going?" I ask.
"To the lounge!" She says with a mischievous smile. I roll my eyes and head out.