My Way

Chapter 7

As the pages flip..
I discover some things that I absolutely.. positively cannot stand about Rocky.
He's always busy.. and he makes it his business to be as busy as possible.
I feel like I have abandonment issues with him and it's the number one thing we argue about.
"I fucking hate when you ignore me.. I'm gonna leave you alone!"
"I'm busy London! You want a busy nigga, or a broke nigga?!"
Once he says things like that.. I repeatedly tell myself not to be a soft ass bitch because that's a toxic phrase and he'll use it to his advantage until it no longer works.
"Why the fuck do I have to run down on you? If I don't hit you up I won't hear from you!"
"London.. you want a broke nigga, or a successful nigga?! I hate repeating myself and I keep having to repeat myself London! Now how was your day?"
"Fuck you!" I yell.
"Fuck YOU London! Stop playing with my top. Respect me!" He says and I almost smile at the fact that he enjoys talking shit to me.
I only have room to wonder when it comes to him because he's such a mystery and it drives me up the wall when I can't figure him out.
"Tell me something..." I say to him and his demeanor changes.
"I don't have anything good to tell you about myself. Let's talk about you for crying out loud London! You're so difficult!" He scoffs at me and here I am wide eyed and in complete disbelief at the audacity of his foolishness.
I'm either happy with him when he's sweet to me..
"I do miss you when I'm away.. I'm always thinking of you London." My heart explodes at his words.. especially when he says things like..
"The last thing I'll ever want to do is lie to you.. about anything." He says while starring into my eyes.
Or I'm over the edge with him and full of venom when I'm angry.
"What the fuck do you even want from me if we're gonna be distant like this?!"
"London!! I'm fucking busy?! Are you gonna take care of me? Because if so I'll stop all this shit and kick my feet up!"
"That's not the point Rocky! You're not giving me enough of you!" I say and tear my eyes away from him and he grabs my waist to pull me in for a hug.
This is us...
This is what we do.
I go back and fourth with him because I don't pay anyone else no mind. I don't give anyone my time.
I'm infatuated with this human and he acts as if he doesn't realize it.. and if he does.. I'm lost to its knowledge.
And we make an agreement ..
"Let's fuck.. then work out the wrinkles."
I'm hesitant... but this is what I want.. I just want it from now on and I know that he's not ready for what I crave from him.
And it's all so soon .. wanting everything with someone who wants nothing with me. I found out the hard way. Coming back every time I said that I was finished with him made me even more vulnerable.. I knew that day would come that I'd lay him to rest in my head because he was such a bad liar...
I wasn't ready to resent him..