Bring Me To 1D (One Direction fan fiction)

You Are!

YOU ARE!

TILDE - SWEDEN

“I’ve always fancied the pants off ye Tilde. You're de sexiest girl in the whole of Sweden”

“Seriously? Nialler! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I have, always, to be sure. I thought you fancied Louis, 'dat’s why I didn’t do anything. But 'dat’s in the past. Right now it’s just you and me, alone, here… in my bedroom.”

“It’s always been you Nialler chops. You look sooo sexy in your ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Heros’ boxer shorts. Reckon you’d look sexier without them though. You should come here and kiss me right now.”

“Tilde. I 'tink we should go all the way tonight. If you want to?”

“Nialler, I…I can’t.”

“Because you’re not ready?”

“No. Because….because…you don’t have a WILLY!”

“CUT!” I looked up to see Amy pressing ‘stop’ on the video recorder in frustration. She looked angry. “Tilde, why do you always have to bring sex into everything? We want kids to watch our 1D soap opera and you keep making it X-rated!”

“Well, he doesn’t have a willy! Look!” I grabbed the Nialler doll and pulled down his jeans. Amy glared at me.

“Of course he doesn’t have a willy. Do you think they’re going to produce One Direction dolls with penises? There are kids buying these things for heaven’s sake. Oh my Days Tilde! I love you to pieces but this whole soap opera idea is doing my head in!”

I pulled a puppy dog face and put on my little girl’s voice. “But we have to make the best wacky 1D video Amy woo. Then we’ll win a Go1Den ticket and we’ll meet the boys and I’ll fall in love with Nialler chops, you’ll fall in love with your Louis boo bear and Emms will fall in love with her Harry-Bo Bo and we’ll get married and have ‘ickle tiny Directioners running around and we can put them in a band and call it..um.. ’One…year old.. Direction’. Pleeeease?” I stuck my bottom lip out and looked up at her.

Then I turned my pouty face towards Emma, our lighting technician. Well, I say technician, actually she was just holding one of Mum’s table lamps over the set. “You think it’s a Go1Den ticket winning idea don’t you Emmsy?”

She frowned. “The thing is Tilly, how can we produce a 1D soap opera when we don’t even have a Zayn? The Zayn dolls aren’t going to be back in stock for two weeks!”

“Well…we could just re-write the script, maybe Zayn could have a kite surfing accident that puts him in hospital…or a highly infectious disease that means he has to be in quarantine for 2 weeks..or um..something like that.”

I thought it was a great idea but Amy let out an exasperated sigh. “This is mental.”

“YOU ARE!” I shouted leaping over the sofa on top of them both.

Emma started tickling my ribs which always makes me do my weird hyena laugh. “Don’t start the ‘You are!’ thing again, ok?”

“What’s the ‘You are’ thing?” Mum poked her head around the door. “Hi Amy, Hi Emma.”

“Hi Mrs Svenson!” They chorused.

“The ‘you are’ thing,” Amy explained, rolling me off the sofa and onto the floor, “Is where Tilde annoys the hell out of everyone by saying ‘You are’ after everything you say, like for example, if we’re walking down the street and I see a cute dog and I say ‘Cute dog’, she says ‘You are.’