[complete]soft for me

3

Jeongguk can hear squealing from outside their door before anyone even knocks, gets up to open the door wide for Yoongi who stumbles in with a very enthusiastic Hoseok wrapped around him like a koala, hands wrapped around the necks of two bottles of wine, one in each hand.

"Missed me boys?" Hoseok simpers, battling his eyelashes exaggeratedly.

Jimin is curled forward in giggles over his cushion on the floor despite not having touched his soju yet.
Jeongguk grins widely displaying all of his teeth, "You obviously haven't let Yoongi miss you,"

"His touch feels like a chaos demon," Yoongi drawls attempting to detach himself without being hit in the head with a bottle of red wine.

Jeongguk snorts before making himself useful by skidding over to the kitchen in his socks to get their cheap wine glasses out of the cupboard. Their supply is low considering someone breaks one every single time they drink but Jeongguk can't pass up the opportunity to feel fancy, like a wine aunt gossiping perched on the kitchen side.
After he has changed the music to something more upbeat he settles himself on the floor beside Jimin, tucking his knees under his chin.

"You know, Tae said he would be at the party tonight..." Jimin says, eyeing Jeongguk.

"Oh," is all Jeongguk can think to say, inside he's taking stock of his outfit, a simple oversized shirt and jeans. Not his most alluring outfit, something that he would wear any day of the week that was primarily for comfort.
Not following the rest of the conversation Jeongguk waits for enough time to pass to up faux-casually get up and go to his room without drawing attention, or really, question. Picking up his wineglass and taking a sip as he walks. But to his disappointment he can feel Jimins presence behind him, having followed him to his room,
"Don't want to hang out with your hyungs?" Jimin asks teasingly.

"I'm just, thought I would get changed, you know more appropriately"

"What does 'appropriate' mean?" Jimin goads from where he has laid himself out on the bed, "sexy, does it mean sexy?"

Coughing Jeongguk pointedly looks away "good, I just want to look good"

Jimin doesn't look convinced, Jeongguk gets the distinct impression that he knows exactly what his motives are. Blessedly not poking him further Jimin gets up and rummages through the wardrobe himself, "this shirt!"

This shirt is a black slinky thing that clings just right but still falls effortlessly, Jeongguk tucks it into a different pair of jeans, these black and hitting his hips in just the right way to emphasis his waist. He puts in his favourite hoop earrings and sprays a little sandalwood cologne, satisfied he turns to Jimin who gives him an approving look.

"Come on, if you're dressing up I want to too," Jimin tells him, grabbing his wrist and dragging him to his own bedroom.

By the time they arrive to the house party it's already full, Jeongguk silently thanks the alcohol in his system for not letting the loud music and crowded space overwhelm him.
In the living room of the flat there are people dancing. Jeongguk giggles and pulls Yoongi with him who only mildly protests at the man handling, "Ugly dance with me hyung!"

He begins flailing his arms dramatically, with no rhythm despite his dance major until Yoongi caves, smiling wide and gummy. By the time Jimin and Hoseok emerge, bottles of soju in hand the two of them are competing to look the silliest with gusto.

Time passes quickly, Jeongguk steadily drinking lest his high wear off and leave him uncomfortable in the rowdy space.

Jeongguk doesn't have to try to get boys trying to dance up close to him at parties, his friends are very protective though, closing in when anyone gets too near, holding his hands and giggling in his ears. Sometimes Jeongguk wishes they'd leave him to it, wishes he could let them dance close, lean in, touch him.
It's not that he's never let it happen, as a freshman he let too many boys in, let them touch him roughly exploring his skin, kissing him deep in a way that crawled under his skin. Too many heavy gazes of different boys watching him, wanting him to give them more than he could. Felt like their touches were taking something from him, it's not that he didn't like it, felt the warmth in his tummy when their lips trailed his neck, big hands wrapped around his waist. But somehow something in it was wrong, always made him back away, whisper no's and sorries.

His friends know this and its almost cute how Jimin grasps his hands and pulls them high over their heads, wiggling his hips and openly laughing. How Hoseok slips his arms around Jeongguk from behind, hands coming to rest on his stomach.

Looking to the side Jeongguk can see some poor guy who had siddled close looking between them with clear disappointment. He's cute, dark hair hanging over dark eyes, in another life Jeongguk might have let him in, probably would now if his friends weren't so protective.

Sometimes lying alone he kisses his own fingertips, skims his fingers down his sides, trying to make himself enough to satisfy himself. But at the end he's alone, and god does he feel it.

Jimin detaches his hands, breaking Jeongguk out of his thoughts, looking up he finds Taehyung approaching them looking like a vision. Shirt buttoned low and grey hair gleaming under the artificial light. He thanks some higher power that Jimin had somehow befriended him, his sociable warm friend drawing Jeongguks crush into his life.

"TaeTae!" Jimin yells with enthusiasm reaching his hands out.

Their close circle opens to welcome Taehyung, who moves closer, wiggling as he does so.

"You guys look like you're having a good time," Taehyung says with a warm chuckle

"All the better for having you here," Jimin replies teasingly

He feels the heat of Taehyungs gaze fall on him, willing himself not to blush he dances with a little more purpose, rolling his stomach like he does in dance practice. He's close, Jimin having moved to dance obnoxiously against Hoseok who is squealing with laughter at the attention.

At some point Taehyungs hands find their way to Jeongguk hips, in fact Jeongguk watches it happen, heart stuttering. Tries to look casual, the alcohol probably letting him succeed. Hips rolling to the music, he lets himself gravitate forwards, so close that he can feel the heat of Taehyungs flushed chest. Time passes like that, the two of them dancing close to the loud music. Taehyungs grin looking bright in the dim light. Jeongguk can't help but stare at it, even when Taehyung stops smiling he can't pull his eyes away, his lips looking so plush and soft.

Jeongguk can't help but feel a small stirring of sadness in his stomach, he wants this, it's a dream really, he should be glad of it. But part of him wishes that he came to being close to Taehyung some other way, with no alcohol, no loud background noise. It feels rougher than he really wants. But he can't let go of where his hand has found itself resting on Taehyungs arm.

"Hey," Taehyung whispers, Jeongguk looks up to find Taehyungs eyes on his own lips. An invitation, he knows that's what it is when two people look at each other's lips. He learnt this by googling 'how to know if someone fancies you' one night. Taehyung leans closer, breath soft against Jeongguks face, closer still until his lips are near pressed to Jeongguks.

"I, er, I'm sorry," Jeongguk stutters against Taehyungs lips, panic rising fast. Stumbling back Taehyung let's him easily break their embrace, looking around he sees Jimin and Yoongi laughing hard over Hoseoks wild dancing. Knows that he should go to them, quietly explain and have Jimin take him home. Jimin would ask if he could touch and then carefully run his hands down Jeongguks back, soothe him with gentle words and guide him to their dorm. He knows this but there's always a part of him that likes the pain of being alone, emo fucking shit.

Not looking back he scrambles to get his earbuds out of the pocket of his tight jeans, plugs them into his phone and blasts rain sounds. Stumbling through the throng of people and out of the front door.

He feels suddenly sober and incredibly itchy, all over. Rushing blindly in the direction of their dorm he tries to focus on the rain sounds and the press of his feet against the floor.
Blessedly quickly he's home, slamming the front door shut and near running to his bedroom. He can feel his cheeks hot with tears, rubbing at them irritatedly he struggles out of his too tight constricting jeans and itchy shirt. In just his boxers and shivering he hurries under his duvet, pulling his weighted blanket on top and putting his eye mask on to block out the light of his window.

Less, it's less, less information, less too much.
Still itchy, itchy itchy itchy, heart fast fast.
He wants to yell but refrains, still present enough to hold himself back. He knows he needs to slow down, treat himself gently, taking steadying breaths he carefully wipes his wet eyes under his eye mask.

He's okay, peaking from under his mask he shuffles his music to his favourite soothing music, better, strokes his tummy tenderly, soft soft.

Tries not to think about Taehyung, tries not to feel empty at the thought of not kissing him, wanting, god wanting to kiss him so much.