Violence In A Quiet Mind

Chapter 3.

I had been given permission to take the whole month to stay at home because my mum said I wasn't in the right mind to go to school. I started speaking as I tried to do everything normal. The Ortega's had moved out a two weeks after. My room was now a feet away from my mum's room as my old room had been turned into a storage room. My mum convinced me saying that it was the best thing to do and that I should move on. It is not easy to move on after you realise that your dreams with a person had been flushed down the drains is never coming back. I took the baby steps in doing so. I always rejected the idea of seeing a therapist, it will make me look like someone who needs immediate mental assistance.

"You need to open up." Mum always repeats anytime I reject the idea.

"I am opening up." A respond which has now become my daily chant.

We are having dinner, then tomorrow I will be prepared to face the outside world which I have shut.

"Honey your dad is coming back from Afghanistan." Mum cheers as she bites a piece of her meatball. I am excited because dad had left when I was twelve to that country, it was heartbreaking but Jenny was there to help me. She did a lot to cheer me up. Jenny.

Due to my over excitement, I help my with the dishes, we watch a comedy movie and we retire to bed. The whole night has been a good one with the news of dad coming back. This is the first time I sleep in a month with good dreams taking over the terrible ones I had which consisted of how Jenny died and I was the cause. I have been depressed about it but I don't want mum to know and be worried over nothing so I manage to write down all these terrible dreams in a journal as a form of me communicating, writing down my worries and closing it in pieces of grey paper binded into a black book.

"Inna, I'm leaving everything will be okay." Dad hugs me tight in his military uniform. I am confused because he won't be back until tomorrow. He releases his grip, kisses the crown of my head and walks away.

"Dad, dad, dad!" I scream.

"Inna wake up!" Mum yells with tears welling up in her eyes. I shoot up from my bed with sweat glistening on my forehead. I take in my surroundings for a brief moment and see mum crying with her head buried in her palms.

"Mum what is going on?" I ask frantically feeling my chest tighten. It can't be, no. I refuse to be this. I run to the hall to see some men with their head bowed and caps removed. I see Dad's suitcase but he isn't with them.

"I am sorry for your loss." A man walks to me and places his hand on my shoulder. He pays my head slightly and leaves with his group.

Mum hugs me, she is still crying. I stand there in my pyjamas noting understanding what us going on.

"Everything will be okay." Mum croaks with her voice hoarse from all the crying.

I run out of her grasp to the door and she yells my name to come back, I am outside and the neighborhood seems quiet.

"Dad, I could have sworn you called my name!." I scream to no one in particular standing by the drive way. I lost my nerve. "Still I wait for you as you asked me to!." I scream with fresh tears running out of my eyes. Mum comes out to take me away. I run with my tears drying out of my eyes to the sea shore of the town. The weather is cold, I shiver a little but that isn't a bother to me, what bothers me is the fact I have lost two people who are dear in my life.

I sit on the beach sand crying the second time and it is so painful. This is my dad and I favourite place to come to anytime he comes home and now I am left here alone without him to hug and tell me stories of how brave he is while I laugh at some of them. He was the only one I had left even though I was close to mum, he also had ways of understanding me and I was really impressed by that. I stand with tears streaming out of my eyes.

"I had a lot to tell you." I choke out with tears running from my eyes looking at the rushing of the sea waves.