Violence In A Quiet Mind

Chapter 6.

I wake up groaning from as streaks of sunlight shines on my face. I adjust myself on the bed supporting my elbow on the bed. Mum smiles at me making her way to my bed.

"Hello dear, how are you?" She cheers. Something fishy is going on or maybe she needs something that's why she is acting like this.

"Mum what's going on?" I remove the duvet off my body stretching.

"Why do you think I will need something or something is going to happen." She smiles sitting on my bed.

I raise an eye brows at her trying to get any reaction other than the grin on her face. I sit beside her and she holds my palms in her hands.

"I hope you didn't forget about our outing?" She questioned. I completely forgot but it's good she reminded. I nod and smile at her. We sit quietly with a comfortable silence hunging above us.

"You know that you can talk to me." Mum asserts and its back to me opening up. My heartbeat as I in haled deeply.

"I know but I will come out when I'm ready." I stated looking at the ground. I'm praying this time, hoping she didn't see my journal or go through the thoughts in my head.

"How long and when will you be ready?" She pushes further. I withdraw my hands from her warm grasp. I stand moving to the window, watching the view.

"Mum, I will when I'm ready. I don't know when but now I prefer to be alone." I raise my tone minimally at her. I am shock at my sudden outburst. She might be mad at me, I turn to look at her with a sad smile plastered on her face.

"I am sorry." I say quietly to her. "Mum please don't wait, enjoy whatever you want to do but now I prefer to be alone." I explain to her.

"That's what your head tells you Inna but your heart wants someone to listen to you." Mum holds my shoulders.

"That's the thing, I can't be hurt if I don't make a sound." I release myself from her grip. Whatever my heart wants to tell someone will go into my journal, that's why I have it.

"Still holding on to those memories?" Mum whispers as we are two meters apart from each other I don't respond. I am still holding on to them because they are life lessons to me. To cherish any moment that comes when you are have the chance to spend with family rather than hurt or kill them. I run my hand through my disheveled hair refusing to look at her. She walks to me, hugs and mumbles "it's okay, honey." I return the gesture and we stay there for some few seconds. Mum retracts herself.

"I will leave you to get ready, come down for breakfast then we go out." She beams at me and leaves my room. I look around this foreign room remembering this is where I am going to spend the rest of my life. I sigh, go to the bathhouse and do all my business.

"You are just in time for my famous pancakes with egg." Mum arranges the plates with breakfast on the table.

"Thanks, can I get some water?" I ask her, she passes me a glass of water and we all sit down to eat.

"I was thinking since we are here and you have to go school why don't we schedule it for next year." Mum drinks a glass of orange juice looking at me.

I nod at her liking the idea of taking break. She smiles and continue eating.

"You can also make some new friends, they help." Mum notes.
I look at her like she just gave me the worst idea ever.

"I'm not ready to make friends okay? Don't you get it, I want to be alone. It's better that way because it saves me from grieving over someone close to me again and I can't bear to blame myself for it again." I shout at mum with my eyes welling up.

"I am close to you." She speaks.

"And I'm going to make sure of it you and I find our distance. I dream of terrible things happening to you and I don't want to loose you also, mum." I feel a tear drop on my cheek.

I leave the table with a shocked mother and run to my room locking the door. I am not ready to see anyone. I start crying because it's my fault. All those I love left me. I don't want mum to be next. I love her so much that I wouldn't be myself again if she also leaves. I feel numb from all the crying and so, I take my journal to write down my sorrows.