Violence In A Quiet Mind

Chapter 10.

"We are going back to our old town to visit the Ortega's." Mum declares as soon as we got home. I blinked twice, face her to be sure I heard her right. I choke on a saliva as I was about to speak. I cleared my throat looking at her. "Do we have to go back to that town?" I questioned starting to feel uneasy. What if everything comes back to me again? What if someone reminds of me of everything? What if someone starts giving me those pitiful eyes? What if I can't face the Ortega's? The what ifs are a lot that I couldn't hear mum mentioning my name. "Inna..Inna stop overthinking. I want us to pay our last respect to them." She cuts me out of my overworking brain. I took in a deep breath not ready to go back there but if it's our last respect to them why not? "Okay, let's do it but you have to be with me all the time." I reasoned with her. I know, I am still scared and I might need all the support. "It's good you are agreeing to this. It will help you overcome your fears." Mum concluded getting out of the car. I followed suit and moved to the couch to rest.
"Don't worry, we are leaving tomorrow so pack." Mum came to my side reminding me to pack few things before she head to her room. I groan hating the fact that I will go back there. It's bad if you have done so much to move on but there is an obstacle which you have to overcome before you can tell yourself you are moving on. It's overwhelming too. I did well hiding feelings, keeping secrets, locking them away in my chest but since mum insisted I should see Miss. Baker everything became alright. I hope the Ortega's have moved on.

"Inna can you hurry up!" Mum yelled because I was slouching. Then it hit me, the Ortega's moved away from the town so what are they doing back there. "Mum I thought the Ortega's have left the town?" I question hoping she gives me a reason so that we don't go back. "They are back to pay last respect to Jenny's grave and also we are going back there again do that you could visit your dad. It's been a while." She explains as I sit in the passenger seat with my leather rucksack backpack on my lap. My mood dampen at the mention of Jenny and Dad. She started the car and we left the drive way.

The journey back to the my old town was tiring. We had to make few stops just to get something to eat or do our businesses. Finally we are here. The place was sunny and it hadn't changed a bit except for a few houses at the far points. The view through my window brought back all my sad, happy memories. Mum drove further to what I presumed was a small canopy with families gathered under it exchanging pleasantries. Mum packed the car at the far end and we got out.
We both walked to the canopy and we were greeted by the Ortega's. Mrs. Ortega was holding a baby while Mr. Ortega stood beside his wife.

"Inna how are you? You look different from the last time we saw you." Mrs. Ortega spoke and all I did was nod. I couldn't open my mouth because I felt tongue tied. Looking at the couple in front of me brought back memories of Jenny where we would worry her dad a lot during certain family events. The couple realising how uncomfortable they made me decided to speak to mum then they left. "Inna don't worry, be strong." Mum whispers to me. "I will try. After this can we go to the beach?" I asked mum remembering dad and I favourite place. She smiled at me and we joined the other family members.

The whole reason why we came, was to pay our last respect to Jenny. I stood by her grave alone after asking mum for a little privacy. I told her everything that was going on, how I didn't eat, I will cry, have nightmares, not speak to anyone and I chuckled at myself mentioning the therapy part. I know she will also be laughing at me. I closed my eyes sighing wishing she was here with me. I told her about Sasha and gave a little insight to her about how I'm not ready to make any new friends even though Sasha had been nice to me. I literally have her updates on what was going on in my life. Others who passed by to see me talking to the grave will smile at me. To admit I kinda felt foolish talking to a stone but it was also relieving having to share everything.

It was getting late but I hadn't forgotten about the beach. Mum and I walked while chatting to the beach. We got there and the waves were calmed. I removed my shoes wanting my feet to feel the sand. Mum did same and we stood there looking at the sea.
"Your dad will be happy for you, knowing how far you have come." Mum uttered as the breeze fanned my face. "I know." I said smiling at the calming waves breathing in and out slowly. This is peaceful. I was craving for his love and touch but I know that he was with me always. It gave me a sense of belonging. Mum gave me a side hug while she kissed the crown of my head.

"Inna you have me. I'm not going anywhere." Mum whispered.

"I love you mum. For everything you have done and putting up with my behaviour." I said looking at the sea with smiles on our face feeling peaceful once more.