All Wrapped Up

Chapter 14: I'll Go For The Dumplings Please

Chapter Fourteen: Perfect Person, Imperfect Timing

QOTC: The Way I See It, If You Want The Rainbow, You Gotta Put Up With The Rain.

Jam out to What You Know Bout Love by Pop Smoke while you are reading to set the mood.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I knew this would happen.

I knew that the one time I really didn't want a panic attack it would happen. I just wanted one night of not having to deal with my mental health, one night to enjoy myself and show Ace who I am without it.

I forget sometimes that my anxiety is a part of me. I struggle to accept that it is something I will never truly be rid of.

But if I did rid myself of it, who would I be without it? What am I like when I'm not worrying about every possible situation that could ever occur?

The saddest part is I don't know.

The worst part of anxiety? You don't get nights off. It's just there all the time. So loud sometimes, someone might as well be shouting at you about all the things that could go wrong.

That's what it felt like now as I screwed my eyes shut and tried not to indulge the airy feeling in my head that made me want to pass out but instead forced myself to focus on the bright stars in my eyelids.

"Sara, can you hear me?" Lucas' voice sounded almost distant, like he was shouting through a tunnel but the wind was blowing his voice right back to him.

Without any warning, everything turned painfully crisp and I could hear him speaking every word but my brain was still having none of it.

"Can you just stop talking for one minute please?" Ace spat at Lucas.

"Fine, fine. Don't you think she needs to lie down though? She looks like she's about to pass out."

"I'm not going to pass out," I croaked, removing Ace's hands where they were placed gently on my shoulders to support me.

"Sara, what the heck happened? One minute you were knocking on the window and the next you looked like you'd seen the re-incarnated Dracula."

"I just- I-" Words failed me. Trying to explain panic attacks to people who had never experienced one was a tough one, especially because it was so different for everyone.

"Stop with the questions, she's just had a panic attack and all you can think of doing is interrogating her?" Ace turned to me, and mouthed "are you okay?".

Sending him a nod, I made eye contact with Lucas and weakly smiled at him. He looked hurt, like everyone was in on something he wasn't.

I was jealous of him: this was not something I'd give anything not to be on this one.

"Let's- let's go." My voice cracked at the start.

"You still feel up for dinner? Are you sure you shouldn't just go back to your room and rest? I can even bribe the canteen chefs into putting some of their greasy goodness into takeaway boxes-" Ace rambled on and all the words were hurting my brain.

"I still want to go out for dinner," I whispered quietly, hoping he'd still hear me. I didn't want to cancel on him again, if it was a vague friend then maybe but Ace was too special to be cancelled on twice.

"Okay." Ace whispered.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───