Violet Adrenaline [Watty Awards 2013]

Chapter 5: Declan, Ducks and Butterflies

A/N: If there is a part in the middle that doesn't really make sense could you please alert me of that?

I sat in my bathroom in only my bra and panties, my blood stained razor blade was lying beside me on the kitchen rug. I told Declan I couldn’t be with him because I would hurt him, but I was hurting him by telling him I could only be his friend.

Tonight was supposed to be a fun night where I could just relax with my friends but it had turned out horrible and had left me with terrible emotions, I felt sadness, longing and lust. I wanted to be with Declan, I really did he was a great, funny guy that I could genuinely be happy with. But I couldn’t let my terrible life affect his beautiful personality.

I had made two scars this time, one for each person that I had hurt tonight, Declan and myself. I had hurt Declan because I told him I couldn’t be with him, I had brought his hopes up with the passionate kiss we had shared and I had hurt myself the same way, by letting Declan go and denying myself any type of relationship with him. It hurt because I had actually grown to really like Declan over the last two weeks, we had spent practically every free minute of every day together but I didn’t realise I had feelings for him until his lips locked on mine.

I ran my finger over my bottom lip; they still tingled with the memory of his soft, velvety lips against my own. Declan had taken my first kiss and even though he wasn’t my boyfriend I didn’t care because at least I could say that my first kiss was with a boy that I liked.

I jumped as I heard a knock on the door, I quickly chucked my razor in to the bottom draw of the bathroom cupboard, and pulled my black cardigan back on and stood up to unlock the door. My mother stood in the entrance to the bathroom doorway, her usual frown plastered on her face.

“Hey mom, something wrong?” I defensively covered my arms across my chest to make sure that no not yet dry blood had decided to stain my cardigan. If my mother knew I cut myself she would blame herself.

“Some of your friends are downstairs honey,” she said weakly, faking a smile. I lumped formed in my throat, thinking that Declan was downstairs to try and talk me out of what I said before, or maybe even worse, to come cry and beg me to at least give him a shot. I wouldn’t blame him if he did, although I highly doubted Declan would do that.

“Who is it?” I asked her.

“It’s Ivy and her boyfriend, I don’t remember his name,” she replied.

“Thanks mom,” I called to her as I began to descend the stairs.

“Hazel, where did you go? I saw you run out of the party and I saw Declan chasing after you but then he can back inside and told me I had to come and talk to you, what happened?” Ivy rambled quickly when I slumped down on the couch beside her.

“Nothing happened, I just felt kind of sick so I asked Declan to take me home,” I replied, fake-nonchalantly

“So why was he crying?” She raised her eyebrow at me and gave me a disbelieving look.

“Maybe he had an eyelash in his eye,” I mumbled just loud enough so she could hear me, I know it was a stupid response but it was best lie I could come up with in such little time.

“You’re a terrible liar Hazel, just tell me what happened between you two,” she complained.

“He kissed me and I just couldn’t…” I trailed off, a sob escaped my mouth and I wrapped my hand around my mouth to muffle the sound.

“Couldn’t what?” she asked, concerned.

“Shaun,” I whispered. That one little word made her understand everything that had happened.