To The Sky

eight.

"First night all alone," Emari huffed, looking herself in the mirror. Her family had just left after seeing her place with the little bit of furniture inside. All she had right now was her bed, and her tv, she was in the process of furniture shopping at the moment.

"You did it, Moo, look at you," she smiled slightly at herself. She couldn't believe baking had helped her so much in life, she didn't think she'd leave her parents house until she was married.

She figured, to celebrate, she'd have a night to herself, all alone. Phone on do not disturb, just enjoying her own company for the first time in a very long time. She cleaned up and disinfected everything that morning before she moved her bed in, and she was glad.

Her first step was a bath—an actual bath, a relaxing hot bath with bubbles and R&B playing lowly in the background.

She let the water run while she took her clothes off for the day, and making sure all of her hair was away from her neck, taking off her jewelry, and laying it neatly on the sink. As she sank down into the hot water she felt relaxed, truly relaxed. There was no noise, no crying niece or yelling nephew, no loud basketball, just Emari and her music.

She was sure she'd miss her family, but she saw them almost every weekend and some days in between when she just wanted to visit her siblings. So whenever she got lonely, she could call them.

One thing she was afraid of while living completely alone, was being alone with her negative thoughts. Her family did a great job of keeping her mind busy when she was with them and she didn't have time to dwell on things.

As a teenager, Emari didn't believe she was depressed at first. She chalked it up to being sad because her sister was sick. But, among that sadness was a feeling of being alone, even in her big family, Mari felt alone. She felt as if her voice wasn't heard, at home or at school. She was often picked on as a teenager and a young child, whether it be for her quiet disposition, not giving in to the pressures of her classmates or occasionally the color of her skin, Emari wasn't the most popular.

Since Zion was her complete opposite, she saw her brother thriving daily. He always stood up for his younger sister against anyone who had something negative to say about her but that was coupled with him constantly telling her she needed to stand up for herself and start speaking up—but he didn't realize just how difficult that was for her. She knew he meant no harm but their attitudes were completely different.

For years on end she felt lost, she didn't know how to deal with the sad thoughts and her parents were always gone, so she didn't. Unhealthily, Emari learned to internalize her issues and problems, not needing to ask anyone for help and that's how she coped through high school and her first two years of college. Alone.

At her current age, she'd still occasionally struggled with it but her coping mechanisms served to be a tad healthier. She journaled, she did a lot of writing to get her feelings out, as opposed to letting them fester in her mind. She still had an issue with isolation and the occasional internalization when her moods would just flip unexplainably, or all her energy was gone. She had to fake it. Sahara and Tariq were really the only ones who could just tell when she was off, and she couldn't hide it from them if she tried, and she certainly had tried before.