Fix You

49-Grow

*leahs pov*

After me and Jen exploded on eachother, I just went upstairs, not wanting to talk anymore. I went to the bathroom, and didn't even bother to take a shower since I was worn out. I lazily washed my face and crawled into bed.

It took me awhile to fall asleep since our argument kept replaying in my head. Over, and over again. Just the thought of me and Jen not being together, breaks my heart. So hearing her actually say that she would leave me, is even worse. 

I know that if it actually came to that at one point, she would try her best to be there. That's just her personality, she's such a loving and caring person. But I guess if she did try and help me, but I didn't get better, that's when she'd probably leave me.

God, the fact that we're arguing and I can't just hold her right now, makes me sad. I know she didn't mean all of what she said, we were both just mad, and so in the moment. She really is a great person, and loves the people that are close to her. But fuck, she can be a bitch.

-

The next morning I got up, and I'm guessing Jen slept on the couch, or in one of the guest rooms since she wasn't in bed.

I got up, and luckily I don't have work for the next 2 days since everyone else is still on the business trip. So I slowly got out of bed, and took a quick shower since I felt gross from the plane ride.

I got out of the shower and put on some spandex shorts, and a white tank top with a zip up grey jacket. I went downstairs and saw that the tv was still on. So I walked up to the couch, and Jennifer was curled up to one of the pillows from the couch, asleep. I tilted my head and took the remote from beside her so I could turn off the tv.

I set the remote back down, and looked at Jen as she was asleep. I could tell she had been crying from the redness of her face, and her puffy eyes. I'm still upset with her, but that doesn't mean I don't love her. I stroke her cheek for a second. Then I grab the blanket from the end of the couch, and drape it over her.

I sat at the stools in the kitchen as I ate some strawberries and scrolled on my phone. Suddenly Blue walked around the hall, and jumped up on the couch. I watched as he crawled on top of Jennifer, and started to lick her face. I heard her groan, and start to move around.

I watched as she slowly sat up, and eventually petted Blue. She rubbed her head and looked around, until we made eye contact. But I looked away and, just went on my phone again.

She sighed and picked Blue up, placing him on the floor so she could stand up. Then she walked away to the bathroom. She came out like 10 minutes later looking fresh. Then she walked over to the fridge and opened it. I just watched as she did her thing. She got some water, and grabbed a banana. Then she turned around, but I kept watching.

"What-." She asks very bluntly and I furrow my brows. "I didn't say anything Jennifer." Mocking how she sounded, and she just scoffs and rolls her eyes.

We sit in the kitchen in silence for a good 15 minutes, until I decide to kill the silence. "You could've come to bed last night ya know..." I said trying to be sincere. "Well I figured you wouldn't want me up there. Plus I think it was better for us both to just cool off." She says while playing with her fingers. "I guess..." I respond.

Then it goes quiet again. "But I wouldn't have cared if you did." I assure her. "Ok Leah." She says annoyed. "I'm just trying to be nice Jennifer, god. You don't have to be so bitchy when I'm just trying to make things better." I say and put down my phone. "Well telling me that isn't gonna help anything." She says forcing a chuckle. "Well at least I am being nice.." I say kind of getting upset since she doesn't wanna cooperate.

"I'm not being mean-." She says and I look at her with a 'really' look on my face. "What? Am I being a bitch again? Because according to you, that's the number one thing about my personality." She says referring to last night when I caller her a bitch. "I didn't even mean it in that way, all I said is that you're clingy, and I just so happened to but the word 'bitch' after it." I shrug. "So you don't like when I'm clingy? You don't want me to give you attention?" She crosses her arms.

"No! I love when you're clingy, I was just trying to get my point across last night." I sigh since I can't explain anything. "Mmm.." She hums. "Oh my god, you're actually the pettiest person I've ever met?" I say and roll my eyes. "I could say the same thing about you babe." She says with no emotion as she goes on her phone.

I usually find it hot when Jennifer is mean, but I don't like it when it's towards me. Especially if she's actually mad.

I sigh and put my head down on the table, just thinking. This is the one negative about being lesbian, girls can have a lot, and I mean a lot of attitude.

"Do you at least understand what I told you last night? Are you still mad at me about that?" I ask lifting my head up. She sighs and takes a minute to answer. "I'm not mad at you, I'm just upset about the situation. Something way worse could've happened to you Leah. And I would have been devastated to lose you.." She says starting to get a little more soft.

"Would you be as devastated to leave me?" I ask softly, bringing up what she said last night. She looks away and shakes her head. "Of course..." She says. "Then why did you say that last night? If it would be devastating, then why would you leave?" I ask confronting her since she really did hurt me. "Leah you know I would never want to see you like that. But if I did, it would hurt me so much, and I don't think I would be able to stand seeing you lose yourself, especially if you weren't getting better." She explains.

"I understand that, but you probably should have thought about a better way to say it last night. But besides that, I wouldn't even dare to do that, and you know it. I don't want my life to go down that road again. For the first time in my life, I've actually been genuinely happy with someone. Why would I fuck it up? And if I did, I would try everything to get better, not even for my sake, but for you.." I say and tilt my head. She bites her lip slightly and looks down.

I look away as she processes what I just said. Then I hear little sniff, I look over and realize she's starting to cry. I sigh and just look at her. I hate seeing her cry, I just wanna hug her and tell her that we'll be ok. But I don't know if that's true..

"I'm sorry, I just want you to be healthy. I really do try to make you happy, and spoil you, and just give you all the love you deserve. But it's never helpful. Most of the time I just think, that I'm not enough.." She says while crying her eyes out. I have so much sympathy for her right now. She's such a great person, but I know that she's been broken in the past from one sided relationships.

"You are enough, even if you didn't spoil me, it's the little things that count. Just giving me kisses is more than enough, and I couldn't ask for anything else." I say trying to make her feel better. She puts her face in her hands, and continues to cry.

"I don't want you to think that you're selfish for what you said, I really do understand that you just care about me." I say and stand up, and walk over to her. "And you don't ever have to try to make me happy. You being happy is what makes me happy, that's all I need." I say and smile a little.

She looks up at me with those eyes and sniffs. I hold my arms out and walk a little closer for me to give her a hug. She wraps her arms around my waist, and I softly rub her back. She cries more into my neck. Then I find my eyes start to get watery.

We've had arguments in the past. But not as bad as this ones gonna effect our relationship. I don't know how we'll be after this. I hope that we'll be ok, and that it actually helps us grow as a couple. But I'm not so sure about that..