Justin Bieber - Imagines

Final Part

Hi, I'm the writer of this imagine book. I started writing when I was 15, now I'm 21 and let me tell you somethings I learned during this 6 years. I had and still have depression for losing my mother and my brother, those kind of things fucked me up when I was younger, I thought it was my fault. My mother died during labour, and my brother left us when I was 13 years old. I started listening to Justin's song because he helped me, to fantasize something that I didn't have, a healthy relationship. So, I started writing this book, thinking about the things, I would like to hear, or you know just be happy (not every imagines on this book is based on what I want but some of, yes). And the face of this someone was Justin, because I had no one (love life).

When I was 16, I met a guy, he waited 6 months to be with me because I was clueless, I didn't know he liked me this way. After that we dated 6 months but we broke up because I didn't make any efforts during this relationship, I was more like, why should I show love to him even tho he's going to leave me. But even tho, I wanted to change, I couldn't. we stayed friends, but not for long, we still had this attraction, so for 3 years we weren't together but we still saw each other, kiss.... When I was 20, we had sex, he was my first time, but I still told him that he was my friend. He stopped going to school after, because he had other dreams. We stopped talking during one year and 1 month ago, I saw him again. He told me that he regretted having sex with me, why? Because during this 4 year that we weren't together, "he wanted to be with me". But he had girlfriends during those years, he said, "I just wanted you". Did he loved me during those years? "Yes". Did, I love him? "Yes". 

During this year, I started hated myself more and more, I never thought that was possible. I don't deserve to be with anyone. My depression gotten worse, I can't sleep anymore, I need to make myself exhausted to get some sleep. 

We saw each other again, we made love again, we kissed again, we talked, he was my serotonin that I was looking for but I can't be  with him anymore, why? "I want to stay single, I don't want to leave your life but if we end up together, I'm scared, I'm scared of hurting you". But I never told him, that I wanted him to be my boyfriend, because I hate myself, so it is useless. I'll just destroy this relationship. 

Writing about love and living it, isn't the same thing. Is it worth it to be happy? Because at the end of the day, the world is still the same, full of shit. 

I wish everything was easier. 

Find your serotonin, please. 

I know that nobody will read this, but I needed to get that off my chest.