The Hurt Reality (Fire Emblem: Awakening Story)

This Is Insanity's Game

(Author's Note: I begin to take creative changes in the plot beginning in this chapter, please do not be offended if I do not stick to the actual plotline of the game, I truly do love the original, this is just my personal take on what might have started happening if these characters were given more humanistic feelings. Thank you for choosing to read further on, if you do. Also, the song included, I feel, is a good interpretation of what Maelys is feeling at this time.)

Maelys's POV.

The following weeks were nothing short of torture, emotionally and physically. We came across too much heartache, too many surprises. We had faced Yen'fay and after defeated him, still was forced to draw back after too many injuries and causalities on our side.

It was all my fault.

I hadn't prepared properly.

How was I to know the lava would rise?

At least we had succeeded, is what my friends told me but on the inside there was a war continuing on, pulling me down, saying if I had just anticipated it, all these wounds would have been much more minor.

I had no idea what was getting into me, my usual overly confident, egotistical and arrogant nature had been crushed into dust. Just a whisper on the wind now, to put it frank I was not handling the situation well. 

In fact, I handled it so poorly by pacing the strategy tent too many times to count, but enough to make an obvious trail.. Back and forth. Pondering all my faults and the lives that we had lost, and the poor lads families left home in Ylisse who would never see them. And my friends laid up in the medical tent, having their burns and wounds tended to..

Gods, I paced and paced some more, and ran my hands through my hair, over and over again until it was so flat and greasy from the sweat from my hands that I looked more ragged than ever.

Had I slept?

No.

Had I washed?

The bottom of my robes speak for themselves, they had been burned in my successful attempts to flee the lava, some of it even hardened on the edges, making it crusty. The blood of those who got too close to me stained the rest of the robe, it might have came out if I had properly cleaned it by now but..

I held myself up in this tent, away from everyone else. I refused the food that Nowi cheerfully brought me, with a snap. Rudely throwing an insult as to why she could be so happy, and she sniffled and said she would get Henry to curse me for my mean remarks.

We had made camp as soon as we made it out of the caves, there was no chance anyone could follow us, and we were just a couple hours march from where we needed to be. We needed to rest up before making it there, for anything could be waiting for us.

As soon as most of our tents were set up, I had made a beeline for this one, offering up mine as an extra shelter for the wounded to go. No one else had come here, they were all too busy.

Cleaning up the mistake I made.

I pound a clenched fist into the wooden table with the map rolled out on, and let out an exasperated, pained but tearless sob.

The worst part is everyone thought it a satisfactory victory. As long as we can continue on, still a formidable force. But it just..!

It just wasn't enough, damn me. 

My pride was the enemy here, I could not let go of the losses. Pride and intense sympathy for the fallen, whom if lead better may still be here..