The Girl who Cried Labor

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Camila is in the kitchen, attempting to cook dinner. She is in the last and final month of her pregnancy and daily activities were proving to be increasingly difficult to do. She waddles her way around the kitchen while Lauren sits on one of the bar stools nearby, softly giggling at her.
Camila rolls her eyes at the woman in front of her. "If you keep laughing at me, I won't be the only one in this house having problems walking."

"I'm shaking in my boots." Lauren feigns fear, not taking Camila's threat seriously. "What are you gonna do? Knock me out with your giant boobs?" she jokes as she continues chuckling.

"Lauren, I'm going to give you 5 seconds to get out of here before I hurt you," Camila says in an alarmingly calm tone as she sends her wife a harsh glare.

At that, Lauren clambers off the stool, genuinely terrified of the younger woman now. "Pregnant women are scary," she mumbles under her breath as she makes her exit to the living room to watch TV. 

Camila, incredibly annoyed at her wife, shifts her focus back to the carrot she was cutting when she suddenly gets an idea to mess with Lauren. She opens the cabinet above her and grabs a cup. She walks to the sink and slowly fills it with water so as not to alert Lauren. She spills the water down her leg and onto the floor and hides the cup in the cabinet.

"Lauren!"

Lauren leaps up from her spot on the couch and scrambles into the kitchen, hoping she wasn't in trouble again. "Yeah, babe?"

"My water just broke!" Camila says as she gestures to the puddle of water below her.
Lauren's eyes widen in panic and she immediately begins freaking out and pacing around the kitchen, mumbling incoherently to herself as she tries to think of what to do first. Camila just watches her for a moment, clearly enjoying her wife's frantic state. Lauren glances at Camila and notices that she's perfectly calm, trying not to laugh but obviously failing.

"Why are you laughing?! You're about to give birth and you're laughing?!"

Camila gives up on containing her laughter and lets out a particularly loud cackle. She grabs onto the counter to steady herself and strangles out an "I'm joking, Laur."

Lauren gapes at her wife in disbelief. "Are you kidding me?! You can't joke about stuff like that! I almost had a mental breakdown!"

All Camila can do is laugh, undoubtedly enjoying the reaction she got out of her wife, and Lauren throws her head back in annoyance and stalks out of the kitchen, not wanting to deal with Camila any longer.

After finally calming down from her laughing fit, Camila walks out to the living room, hoping to make amends with her wife. She sees her sitting on the couch with the cutest frown etched on her face and she makes her way over to her, perching herself on Lauren's lap.

"Get off. I'm mad at you." Lauren sternly replies as she looks over Camila's shoulder, trying to ignore the woman sitting on top of her.

"I'm sorry, Laur," Camila whispers as she softly places a chaste kiss on her lips. "Forgive me?" she innocently asks as she looks at her with the biggest puppy dog eyes.

"Fine," Lauren grumbles, never being able to resist the younger woman's chocolate brown eyes.

"Yay!" Camila exclaims as she places a quick kiss on Lauren's lips and gets off of her lap and scurries off back to the kitchen.

"You're lucky I love you!" Lauren calls after her.

"I am very lucky," Camila agrees, winking and blowing a kiss to her wife, who shakes her head at Camila's foolish antics.

-

Camila is sitting on her bed, growing bored of the book she was currently trying to read. She closes the book and looks around the room, in search of something entertaining. When she comes up short, she huffs and lies down on the bed. Her mind drifts to last week, when she successfully tricked Lauren into thinking that she was in labor, softly laughing at the memory.

She had never been more amused in her life. Camila smirks as she just found something to do to keep her busy. "Lauren!" She calls.

 "What?!" Lauren yells back, not wanting to move from her spot after she had finally gotten comfortable.

"I think my water just broke!" Camila shrieks in response.

That definitely got Lauren moving. She sprints into action and rushes her way to their bedroom, stubbing her toe on the coffee table in the process. She curses under her breath as she, now, hobbles the rest of the way to her destination. She bursts through the door breathing heavily with wide eyes in full panic mode, but instead of seeing her wife on the bed writhing in agony like she expected, she sees her clutching her enlarged belly as quiet laughter spills from her lips.

"You should've seen your face!" Camila barely manages to get out as she continues her fit of laughter.

"Camila!" Lauren groans. "You scared the crap out of me! I hurt my toe trying to get in here as fast as I could." Lauren grimaces as she grabs her injured foot.

"Aw, poor baby," Camila coos as she strides up to Lauren and places a hand on her cheek, softly rubbing it with her thumb. "Want me to kiss it better?" she adds with a cheeky grin. Lauren groans in response and stomps out of the room. The younger woman follows after her, trying to restrain her amusement.

-

They were strolling through the aisles of some clothing store that Lauren had dragged her into, and all Camila wanted to do was go home and rest and eat everything she can get her dainty hands on. Her predicted birth date was quickly approaching and even simple actions completely drained her.

"Babe, can we please sit down or something? My back is killing me," Camila complains as she brings her hand to her back in a weak attempt to alleviate the pain.

"Hold on, Camz," Lauren mindlessly replies, not really paying attention to Camila as she ransacks through the shirts on the shelf. Lauren finally finds what she was looking for and gazes at Camila, whose face was scrunched up in pain, with a frown. "I'm almost done here," Lauren promises as she rubs her very pregnant wife's lower back and places a chaste kiss on her lips.

Camila feebly smiles back at the older woman as Lauren interlaces their fingers, and they continue their journey through the store.

Lauren was about to begin searching through a pile of jeans when she sees Camila grasp her stomach and hears her let out a low groan. She immediately takes alarm and rushes over to her wife, who is doubled over, hands on her knees.

"What's wrong? Does anything hurt? Is it the baby?" she asks frantically, a million different scenarios running through her mind. Camila continues moaning in pain, louder now, and Lauren's heartbeat picks up. "Camila, please tell me what's wrong," she reiterates vehemently.

 "I think I'm going into labor," Camila breathlessly mutters, still bent over and grabbing at her stomach. Lauren's eyes widen in panic and she is definitely losing her mind now. Just as she was about to pick Camila up and carry her out to the car so that they could go to the hospital, Camila lifts her head and looks up at Lauren with a mischievous grin. Lauren groans in annoyance and softly pushes her wife away. "Really, Camila?! I nearly just had a fucking heart attack!"

"What? I'm in pain. I'm hungry. And you're not paying attention to me," Camila defends herself with a pout, innocently looking at her wife with her big, brown eyes.

"God, you're insufferable." Lauren grunts as she marches away toward the checkout line.

"I love you too!" Camila yells after her with a wide grin planted on her face.

Lauren turns around and gives her the middle finger paired with a deathly glare, and Camila simply snickers to herself, highly amused by her wife's annoyance. 

-

Camila is home alone watching some outrageous reality show where a teenage girl gets thrown a way-too-lavish birthday party and cries about not getting the correct colored car. Lauren had gone to work a few hours ago and Camila is about to go stir-crazy now that she has nobody to keep her company. The show goes on commercial, and her stomach growls, demanding food, so Camila gets up (with great difficulty) and shuffles her way to the kitchen and spots a banana on the counter. Just as she begins peeling the delicious yellow fruit, she feels warm liquid running down her leg. Naturally, Did I just pee my pants is Camila's first thought, but then she remembers that she is also nine months pregnant and maybe her weak bladder is not the one to blame here, and that's when she begins to panic.

Camila carefully but hurriedly dashes into the living room, grabs her phone and dials Lauren's phone number, praying to God that she picks up.

"Hello?" she hears her wife's husky voice answer a few seconds later.

"Lauren! My water just broke and I need you to get here right now!" Camila hysterically screams down the phone.

Lauren internally rolls her eyes, thinking Camila is playing another prank on her. "Ha ha, Camila, you got me again," Lauren sarcastically replies, "I applaud your performance, really. Very authentic." And before Camila can answer back, she hangs up.

Camila stares at the phone for a moment in disbelief. She can't believe that Lauren doesn't believe her. It's not like she's lied about being in labor before or anything.

She hastily redials her number and suddenly feels pain shoot through her stomach and hisses, "Fuck!"

Lauren picks up after a few rings and begins, "Listen Camz, I know you're—"

"No, you listen," Camila grits through her teeth as the pain intensifies. "My water just fucking
broke and I need you to get fucking home and take me to a fucking hospital."

Lauren's eyes widen and her heart begins beating sporadically. "I-I-Are you sure?" she stammers out, wanting to make sure that Camila wasn't just playing another trick on her.

"Lauren, if you are not here within the next 15 minutes, I promise you will not live long enough to see your daughter," Camila threateningly spits out. "Holy fuck!" she curses as another contraction hits her.

That was all the convincing Lauren needs as she quickly stands from her chair and charges out of the building and to her car, not even bothering to notify her boss. "O-Okay, baby, I'll be there soon, j-just hold on," Lauren stutters as she tries to mollify her wife.

No longer than 10 minutes later, Lauren reaches their home and sprints inside, desperately searching for Camila. She rounds the corner and sees her ungraciously situated on the couch, breathing laboriously. She runs up to her wife and takes her hand in hers and places her free hand on Camila's cheek, stroking it gently, "Everything will be okay, baby, just breathe." Camila nods frantically as she allows Lauren to lift her up bridal style and carry her to the car. Lauren gently places her in the passenger seat and Camila begins writhing in pain. Lauren quickly makes her way to the other side of the car and gets in, disregarding all traffic rules as she drives to the nearest hospital.

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