This is for a Girl I Love

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"I can't believe this is happening, I can't believe I'm gonna die young" she says. "I thought I was gonna grow up, have a white picket fence and a dog named Cannabis."

"Lauren, this isn't a joke."

"Of course it's not, I'm going to name him 'Lauren Jr.'" she laughs, but it was through her tears, a tired sob, like a waterfall that wants to stop flowing.

We are lying in bed, entangling ourselves with our own bodies. The curtains are drawn and the sun went down hours ago. The record player silently beckons for our attention through the dark. If not, the room is silent to a hilt.

She is slowly running her hand through my hair as the sad lilt of laughter gradually dies out.

"I planned our future, you know?" she says after a while.

 "Yeah baby?"

"yeah, like the little things, like when you come home one day from your job, you'd see me wearing a onesie just like Lauren Jr,  while holding two airplane tickets to Peru behind my back, and how when you'd wake up and open the fridge, you'd see every reason as to why I love you taped to every food we have." she finished.

"I guess a future with Lauren Jauregui and Lauren Jr doesn't sound so bad now." we giggle childishly.

"Well I guess that isn't happening anymore, you're going to spend it with someone else" her cheeks reluctantly force a smile. So I kiss it away, her lips feel like a raging campfire yet cold, like sunsets in freezing winter. Yet here I am, wishing this icy feeling would never leave me.

When we part, her eyes glow like a mosaic of broken emeralds, and my heart aches because the morbid situation has hit her mind again. Only in kisses, that she forgets.

"I want to kiss you forever Camzi, I'm sorry we don't have more time." she whispers beneath her breath.

"I am too." I cup her face, feeling the red hues taking hold of her damped cheeks. "We do have more time, the sun isn't going to rise for another whatever hours and you' re still here ok?, and in the morning I am going to take you out to sushi and I will put chopsticks in my mouth and you will then kiss me and shake your head but you'd do the same."

She laughs, a cherry blossom kind of laugh, the one that would make angels's eyes turn green with jealousy. Outside, the stars are demanding their place on the clouds-filled sky. The clock strikes twelve and Lauren's laugh resonates in my mind, I hope that sound never escapes my head. The wind is knocking on our windows wildly now, but our soft cries are the one capturing our attention.

"I'm yours 'til the very end." she murmurs and ducks her head beneath the sheets.

I duck beneath too and whisper " right 'til the end " before burying myself in her neck. Her heart drums heavily against her chest, drowning out the world. So I lowly utter "and forever after".

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