Joy ride (part1): Stealing

bed time

James is escorted from the grand dining hall in a bleary haze. He is not sure anymore what he'd been working for. Trying for. One part of him is secretly relieved. That part doesn't want M 'Baku for a friend. Not any more. Not after meeting him up close and personal: he is too big. Too loud. Too angry. It would never have worked, or never to the degree at which James could be at any sort of ease. But the other part..

The other part still insists that he does not fail. It just doesn't happen. And his brain cannot comprehend it happening; doesn't seem to be able to think of the possible consequences. He doesn't see any future, any way forward. Because anything less than perfect mission success is unacceptable. Has always been unacceptable.

He recognises Okoye's strong whispers while he's led out in the hallway, but Shuri's voice is firm. "I got this. Just tell my mother to fill in for me until I get back. He's better with me alone anyway."

How had it happened? Had he flinched? James does not flinch. He's everyone's.. can befriend anyone. It's training. Second nature. Like dancing. Or shooting. Or playing the piano. All you need is the right tempo, a steady hand. All you need to do is read the little signs; slacken and give at the right time and.. How had he failed? The Winter Soldier does not fail... Has never failed; never will.

Somehow, they've ended up in his room. Shuri sits him down on his couch. Asks about water, and gets him a glass when he doesn't answer. Finally, when James has freed enough brain cells to notice the silence, she crouches in front of him and puts a hand on his wrist. "Are you okay?"

"No." It sounds childish and weak in his ears. But he's not; so why even pretend? The silence is both too loud, and too incomplete: broken by all the little things that fill their ambience. Air streaming past open curtains, the slight hum of electronics. Shuri's heartbeat; his own blood flowing through his veins. And a simple mantra running through his head. The Solder does not fail. The Soldier does not fail.

The Winter Soldier never fails. Except when he does.

And when James is honest to himself, or when he listens to Bucky's jeering voice.. there has been a lot of that going around. First there was Steve. Then killing Fury, and Steve again and the Triskelion and.. hiding and Oh fuck let's not even go down that track where he ran from the Black Panther, got right caught and then Siberia and Stark and...

James sighs, feeling some of the tension bleed out. He's tired but wired. Tingling skin and churning brain. Why he has failed hardly matters. The mission is in tatters. Beyond repair. James fucked it up, and there won't be another chance. Not with this, not with M 'Baku. it's a sailed ship. But Shuri.

Shuri is still here; solid and present. Slippered feet sinking into his carpet when she stands; pushes back to regard him with a slight frown. Shuri is still with him and. Shuri is still here, with him. And. and. She leans her hip against the loveseat pairing with his couch. Another thing of beauty in his ridiculously large, ridiculously comfortable rooms. And he supposes he should have sat on in; tried it at least. As he is now trying the couch. It is a good couch. Soft material brushing against his palms when he drops them from his lap; the cushions accommodating his weight just right. Another missed chance, perhaps..

but Shuri..

As long as Shuri is still here. It's not too late. He can still. As long as she... and it's too hot; like it always is in Wakanda, even with the air conditioning on. And James always liked it that way before. But. But now he's sweaty and cramped in his own skin and the air seems to be smothering him. But he has to. Has to do it. It's risky, yes. And last time,.. Last time taking such a risk. on a whim. Served him poorly. But if James lets this moment pass..