Lafayette x reader

dinner with everyone

it was the next day, i was helping philip with writing and spelling while eliza was busy with the other kids, but i didnt mind, i loved helping philip with writing, he liked to write poems, it was fun to read them when he was done, he was so smart, just like his father, later that day, two of the Schuyler sisters came over to help with the kids, as did john and herc, tho john mostly came to visit alexander, i went to the kitchen to get me and philip some water and something to snack on, reaching for a dish on a tall shelf, when i heard a french accent

"do you need some help mon ang- y/n?" lafayette smiled, cutting off whatever he was saying in french

"uhm, i suppose.." i said as i turned to look up at lafayette

laf nodded and got the dish i was reaching for, handing it to me "so, i take it you help eliza a lot?" he questioned

"..yes.." i felt my heart racing, i didnt know why i was so nervous around lafayette, im over him, i should be fine around him, soon i saw philip walk over and tug on my arm

"aunt y/n! hurry! its angelica! my little sister not moms  sister" philip clarified for me but still tugged on my arm, i nod and follow philip to the play room, i thought  his sister was hurt but she seemed fine, i looked at philip, who just smiled "did i do good?" philip asked

"what do you mean?.." i question 

"mom told me if i ever saw someone in an uncomfortable situation that i should do something about it, so..did i do good?" philip asked again

i chuckled "yes philip, you did good, thank you" i smiled at him, he was such a cute kid, after awhile i went back to the kitchen, getting the water and snack i had left out and going to the study where philip was writing his poems, i handed him the water and put the snack bowl on the desk, me and philip stayed there until i saw a man in a magenta suit walk into the study

"hello doll, philip" thomas greeted 

"i should go now-" philip said getting up, thomas raised his eyebrow as philip left the room

"well, looks like its just us now " thomas smiled at me "you should get ready, i heard eliza is having everyone over for dinner, thats why im here actually, james is here as well" he told me

i nod "ok, well, i wish she would have told me..but yes i should get cleaned up" i smiled then walked out of the study, but was stopped but thomas kissing my cheek, i blushed then went to my room, getting ready for dinner, after awhile i walked out and went to the kitchen, seeing if there was anything i could do to help but there wasnt, so i went to the living room to see all of alexanders friends, even arron burr, of course i saw james and thomas, i walked over to them as lafayette was chatting with john and herc, angelica and peggy where helping alexander with the kids, i gave james a small hug then was pulled into a hug by thomas, after a few minutes eliza called everyone to the dining room, all the kids, including philip got to eat in the living room, i sat next to thomas, of course, who sat as far away from alexander and angelica as he could, i also tried to sit as far away from lafayette as i could, which didnt work to well, laf ended up sitting across from me, i dont know how long i'd be able to do this, thomas still seemed off but i didnt mention it, the dinner went fine, but i felt myself start to lose control of myself everytime lafayette tried to talk to me

"so, y/n, how did you and thomas meet?" laf asked, looking at me

i couldnt take it anymore and i stood up, putting my napkin on the table and walked out of the dining room, walking into the hallway that led to the other rooms, my heart racing, i placed my hand on my chest, trying to calm myself down, why did lafayette have this affect on me, soon i saw lafayette walk into the hall, great, just what i needed, to be alone with the person i was trying to avoid 

"are you alright mon cher?" laf asked concerned as he walked up to me

"can't you just leave me alone?" i felt tears forming in my eyes, why was this happening? 

laf furrowed his eyebrows "what do you mean?.."

"why cant you just be dead or something! i mean i thought you where anyways! you didnt write you didnt do anything to prove otherwise except show up years and years after you kissed me and left me!" i was having a full breakdown at this point "god i dont get how you think you can just show up out of no where and expect me to just fall all over you-" i felt tears falling down my cheeks "why do you insist on trying with me? why cant you just let me be happy!" i looked down wiping my tears, i just didnt want anyone to see me like this

lafayette bit his lip as he looked at me "i-...im sorry...i tried to write but...i-i didnt know what to say...i.." he seemed like he didnt know what else to say, he slowly pulled me into a gentle hug, i didnt hug back but i let him wrap his arms around me as i cried, he slowly started to rock back and forth trying to calm me down, soon i heard someone elses voice, it sounded muffled because i was burring my head in lafayettes chest

"is everything alright?.." thomas questioned

lafayette looked at thomas, a nervous look on his face "ah, i..am unsure.."

thomas furrowed his brows and walked over to me, gently putting his hand on my back, lafayette letting me go "doll?..whats goin on?" thomas questioned

i looked at thomas, not saying anything, i mean, what was there to say? i didnt want to drag him into my weird emotional breakdown, i just hugged him, i wasnt crying as much as i was before and i was calming down but i still didnt say anything, thomas and i walked outside, lafayette went back to the dinning room, i walked with thomas around the yard, his arm around me

"im sorry thomas..." i said softly

"for what?" thomas questioned

"for tonight...im sorry..." i looked up at him

"hey, theres nothin to apologize for" thomas smiled at me

i felt myself wanting to break down in tears again when he said that, its hard to pretend like i dont know why anymore, im still in love with lafayette and i feel horrible about it because now im questioning if i even like thomas, which i hate because thomas has been nothing but wonderful to me, i felt horrible about the entire thing, i didnt even sleep that night i was so frustrated with myself