You Should Have Been Here Yesterday

Holy Shit

Still trying to get over the shock, I don't register the voices around me or the hands grabbing at me.  I'm still hold the gun, unable to look away from the hole in his head.  I fucking blew out his fucking brains.  Holy shit.  "Gin," Steven said, sounding like he was very far away.  "Gin, look at me."

        I tried to look away.  I almost did, but I suddenly became very aware of the sharp pain in my abdomen.  I brought my fingers lightly to the area of pain, and when I drew them back, they were covered in warm, sticky blood.  My eyes fluttered shut, but that was before I fell backwards.

        "Call nine-one-fucking-one!" someone yelled.  It could've been Steven, it could've been Joe.  Shit, it could've been anyone.

        Either I was out before I hit the floor, or someone caught me.  Either way, last thing I remember is hearing someone say that.

--

"Kiss him goodbye, sweetheart," he said, hot breath tickling my ears and sending a frightened shiver down my spine.  I was shaking uncontrollably, held back by Joe while tears streaked down my face and soft whimpers escaped my lips.  I was on the ground, unable to stand.  My ears were ringing as I stared at the lifeless form in front of me, refusing to believe what just happened.  Not him too.  Not Steven.  No.

        "Ginny, shh, it's alright," Joe said, trying to make me look away and succeeding when I hide my face in his chest.  On his knees, he cradles my me to him tightly, telling me it's alright, it's alright, it's okay, it's alright.

        But it's not fucking alright.

        First my dad.  Then Gary.  And now Steven.

        It's not fucking alright.  It's not.

        "It's alright, it's alright, you're okay, it's alright. Shh, you're okay–

        –please wake up.  You're okay.  Please, please.  You're alright.  I love you so much.  Please stay.  Please don't go.  I need you.  Please..."

        I didn't want to open my eyes back up.  I was afraid to see the guy.  I was afraid to see Steven.  I was so afraid.

        So I kept my eyes squeezed shut and clung on to Joe like a small child.  He smoothed my hair and told me it was alright over and over.  He begged me to stay.  Where was I really gonna go?  He told me he loved me.

        And I kept my eyes shut.

        "Ginny please.  Please, please, please, Ginny."  He's actually not helping my condition.  The pain in his voice makes it almost sound like he's near tears.  Maybe he is.  Who knows?  And that makes me shut my eyes tighter.

        "C'mon, Gin..." he pleaded.

        And that's when I realized.

        I'm okay.

        I'm not at home, I'm in some different place that smells like cleaning products.  And yes, it's Joe that I'm still hanging onto for dear life, but he's not telling me it's okay because Steven's gone, he's telling me it's okay because I'm okay.  Because Steven isn't really gone.  It's the guy that's gone.  I don't have to be scared.  Because it's all okay.  "It's alright..." he mutters.

        Yes.  It is.

        I open my eyes and I slowly stop shivering.  "Ginny?" Joe asks, pulling me away from him.  I attempt for a weak smile.  "Oh thank god," he lets out a giant breath as I take in my surroundings with wide eyes.