You Should Have Been Here Yesterday

A Novel by Joe; Dedicated to Steven

Joe drove me home Friday night, because I was doing so well.  I admit, he had to help me up the stairs, but I went home nonetheless.  God, it was good to be back.

        The place looked like nothing happened.  The door was back on its hinges, the furniture had returned to its rightful places, and even the slit in the kitchen floor where Mark had thrown that knife awhile back was gone.  For all I know, it could have been a dream.

        But... The scar on my stomach proves it's not; as does the mental scar on my mind, from what I did.  I tell myself it needed to be done, but... I dunno.  I don't want to go completely mental over it.  That's why I try really hard not to think about it.  It's fucked up, what I did, no matter what he did in the first place.  He was a human being, despite his flaws.  A person.

        Why aren't I in jail?  I fuckin' killed him!  Shouldn't I at least go on trial?

        When I got home (leaning heavily on Joe, might I add), the only things missing were Steven and Joey (and the slit in the floor, but that's irrelevant).  I was too tired to ask where they were.  Instead, I plopped down on the couch next to Tom and turned my attention to the TV.

        "Need anything?" Joe asked.

        "I'm okay right now, thanks," I responded, not looking up.

        "You sure?"

        "Yeah."

        "Okay."

--

The door flew open.  "We're ba-a-a-a-ck!" Steven sang happily.  And then he saw Joe.  "Shouldn't you be with Gin?" he asked dully.

        Joe rose an eyebrow, looking at him skeptically.  "Shouldn't you be with Ginny?"

        "It's Gin, you asshole," Steven said.

        "I said Ginny," Joe said with a shrug.

        "But it's Gin."

        "And I called her Ginny."

        "I don't care.  Why aren't you with her?  I told you she wanted you to be with her."

        Joe rolls his eyes.  From where Steven's standing, he still can't see me on the couch.  Joe argues back, "And she told me that she didn't mean it–"

        "Oh, of course she's gonna tell you stuff," Steven interjected.

        Joe plowed through.  "She told me she didn't mean it at all.  That she was just saying it.  I'm sure she'd rather be with you than anyone else on this planet."  Steven folds his arms, scowling.  "Myself included," Joe adds.  "Why the hell you left her on Thursday night is far beyond me... Pretty dick move if you ask me.  Surprised she still wants to be with you, actually."

        I smile in spite at the look that crosses Steven's face.  Joe continues, "Really, you were an asshole.  She has a nightmare and you fuckin' get all pissed off.  She wakes up all fucked up and you fuckin' get pissed off.  She mentions me in conversation and you fuckin' get pissed off."  Joe also seems to forget that I'm here.  "Y'know what?  Fuck it... She dreamed that you fuckin' died.  Got fucking shot.  She's not gonna go over to you and cry and say Steven, Steven, Steven.  No, she's gonna come to the closest living being with open arms and a shoulder to cry on.  It happened to be me, so she's gonna fuckin' say Joe, Joe, Joe.  And if you've gotta problem with that you can shove it up your ass because it was a fuckin' nightmare after she had just underwent hours of surgery and fuckin' killed a man.

        "So don't act like you don't give a shit and just leave and send me over to her.  That's fucked up, okay?  She wanted you there and you know it.  I can tell– She loves you more than anything in the world.  Every time she woke up she kept asking where you were and I had to say absolutely nothing because you fuckin' stormed out and left.  I told her you were outside the whole entire time.  Were you?  Fuck no!  You and I both know it.  Just stop it, man.  She loves you, not me, okay?"

        Steven stares at Joe with a shocked expression, and Joe stares back, face like a stone.  After a long time of silence, where Joey and Tom and I looked back and forth between the two (Steven's still unaware I'm here), Steven blinks.  "Fuck," he whispers.  "Y'know man, for a guy of few words, you really know how to fuck me up."

        "You do that on your own, Steven," Tom calls.  Joe snorts.

        "Whatever," Steven mutters, retrieving his jacket he had just tossed onto the table.  "I've gotta go... Shit... How upset was she?" Steven asked.

        Joe begins to speak, but I chirp in instead.  "Very," I say.  I slowly get up with the assistance of Tom and make my way to Steven.  "Very upset."

        Steven's face looks like what it would look like if Mick Jagger flew into the apartment with a pair of angel wings and started giving a Grammy speech, and then told Aerosmith that they won an Oscar while John Lennon tap-danced with Paul McCartney on top of Jimmy Page's guitar, which John Paul Jones was wearing as a hat– Absolutely in complete and utter shock.

        "Gin," he says.  "You're here."

        "Yeah," I say.  "They said I could get out Friday night.  You'd know that if you would've stayed.  But you know what?  I'm not mad.  Just upset.  And confused.  Because you've got no reason to be pissed off when I hang with Joe.  We've been over this countless times.  And Joe just gave you a freakin' novel."

        Steven sighs, draping his arms around my neck.  "I'm sorry," he mutters.  "It was wrong to do that.  Like Joe said... A dick move."

        I smile halfheartedly.  "It's alright," I say.  "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the... Dream.  I just... Couldn't do it.  It was too–"

        Steven stops me.  "I understand now.  I didn't know... I had no clue that's what happened... Shit, I'm sorry."

        I shrug.  "It's over though, now, right?"

        He smiles.  "Yeah.  All over, I guess."  His eyes flit up to meet mine.  "God," he whispers, "I missed you more than there are stars in the sky."

        He kisses my nose.  "And I love you more than double that."

        "That was so cheesy, Gin," he says like he's ashamed of me.

        I laugh.  "So was yours."  He laughs too, taking me in his arms and kissing me for real.

--

-

A/N: Oh, quite the filler...ish.  Sorry, I'm just a bit uninspired at the moment... My band got into this Rock Off.  It's kinda a huge thing for up and coming bands.  There's Round 2, which you give a performance at the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame, and we did that.  Everyone said we were killer.  3 out of 10 bands each night make it, and well, they called band number 1, band number 2, and... band number 3.  To say the least, it was a bit discouraging.  But... Then again, according to Joe Perry, Aerosmith played Max's Kansas City like 3 times (each being a time where record scouts are standing around) before anyone signed them, so... Yeah, enough of my bitching.

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        Dedicated to @SgtMorgan bc I decided to update anyway c: