Paranoia of the Starved |Kankuro|

Chapter 15

Sitting in the living-room was a tiring thing, especially after a long day of missions, D-ranked missions specifically. Painting detailed paintings as Kankuro sat across from me, cross legged, analyzing my notes for the mouse puppet, and the actual mouse itself. 

"So.. what's it even supposed to do?" He asked. I shrugged. 

"Nothing much, a distraction maybe?" I responded, setting my painting to the side to let it dry off a little bit as I turned back to the seal at hand. The silence seal. It was actually a decently complex seal, but infinitely useful. 

"I mean it could be minimally useful," he shrugged, setting the mouse down. At the moment he wasn't wearing his ridiculous cat suit, and just in a casual t-shirt and shorts, and scarf around his neck. 

"So then what could make it better?" I asked. He was thoughtful for a moment, tapping his chin. I looked up from my seal work, setting my brush down gingerly. Looking up at him for a second. Looking at a pimple on his cheek. It wasn't the fact that I didn't like it. It was the fact that it felt weird making eye contact. 

I hated eye contact, and I don't think a lot of people liked it either. The one thing that was bothering me was the fact that he was my best friend. I should be able to make eye contact with him after knowing him so long, but I guess not. "I don't know, I guess maybe it could be used for recog if you got the right seal, I don't know how that stuff works though," he thought aloud.

My eyes suddenly snapped to his as I got an idea. He faltered for a moment, "I got something!"

"And what would that be?" He asked, his interest piquing as he grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil that was set in a cup to the side.

"Well.." there was a sudden apprehension as a tightness grew in my chest, my eyes drifting away from his and up towards the ceiling. 

"Spit it out already!" He huffed. 

"What if I make a sort of ummm.. nevermind, it's stupid and complicated.." I muttered out, my eyes flicking down at the notes sprawled across the floor. 

He took in a deep breath, "Himiko, I don't care if it is a stupid idea, the stupid ideas are usually the best ideas, okay? The only stupid ones are the ones you don't say," he spoke firmly, pushing a pencil eraser into my cheek. 

"Fine, what if I made a sort of shadow clone seal, that let you look through the eyes of a puppet?" I huffed out. "It's stupidly hard, and would be hard to replicate.."

"While I agree with the actual seal would be stupidly hard, you could definitely be onto something here!" He quickly wrote this down. "Do you know the jutsu? Probably not.. because it forbidden, but still it doesn't hurt to ask..?"

"No.. I um.. don't know the jutsu.. but I could figure it out?" I suggested. "Although it requires a bunch of chakra so I don't know if I would even be able to pull it off.." I explained. 

He poked me in the cheek, "well you're smart enough, you could probably figure it out!" Kankuro responds. A little smile crawls onto my face, I glanced towards him, and snapped my eyes back towards the floor.

"Y-you're just saying that!" I huffed out, crossing my arms. My eyes readjusting onto the silence seal notes on the floor. Staring at it for a few moments. There was something missing.. There was supposed to be.. I glanced back and forth between my reference seal, and the one I had drawn. There was supposed to be a lock around it. A line surrounding it. I rubbed at my forehead. "I got it!" I stated, adding a few little notches and markings onto the seal. 

Kankuro leaned over, peaking down at the seal. I became nervous, too close. Way too close. I don't know when this came on but this was way to close!

I shuffled back a little bit, keeping my limbs close to my body. I don't know what that was, but I didn't like it. A weird little flutter in my chest. Not like butterflies, but like little waps flittering around my rib cage. Not the cute 'awww I'm in love' but the "i'm about to pass out if I don't calm down". 

"I-i-i-i figured out the silence seal," I responded slowly. Why the hell was this coming on. I looked up, quickly getting up and closing the curtain. I was being watched.

"Is something wrong?" Kankuro asked slowly, watching me pace the room, and and forth. He must think I'm crazy at this point.. "You can trust me, what's bothering you..?"

"W-we-we're being watched I think..?" I responded, peaking out the window. Locking the door. He definitely think's I'm crazy. "No-no.. It's probably nothing.." I quickly added, sinking down onto the floor. Humming quietly. 

you are my sunshine

"Are you okay, honestly you're worrying me.." he stated slowly placing a hand on my back. I flinched back. 

"Don't touch me!" I snap out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..!" I yell out, pulling away, breathing heavily. "This isn't real! THIS ISN'T REAL! I'M DEAD! I'M dead i'm dead i'm dead. you're not real.. none of this is real, you're just a figment of my imaginationn. right?" I reached out slowly.

 If I touch him, and he disappears it will be my fault. my fault. they'll take me away and torture me, they'll interrogate me, they want want what I know. I can't touch him. I shook my head. 

my only sunshine

"SNAP OUT OF IT!" Kankuro finally snapped out, taking a deep breath. "Calm down. You're not dead, you're alive, alright, I'm real. There's no one watching us. You are fine. Alright?" I nodded along slowly, watching his eyes, tracking them, and he tracked mine. 

I watched him like here were a rabid dog. 

you make me happy, when skies are gray

"What are you humming? I don't recognize it?" He asked. 

"Oh yeah.. I didn't really.. um notice.. i just sort of remembered it since I was a baby.. I guess I just do it unconsciously.." I responded slowly. "It just um sort of calms me down.. I guess.. if I don't notice I'm doing it." I take in a deep breath. Kankuro looked like he wanted to ask me something, but he didn't push on the subject. 

"I don't recognize it at all.." he commented. 

"Well my mom was from Snow Country, so maybe it's a song from there..?" I lied. I knew for a fact that 'you are my sunshine' does not exist in this universe. 

you'll never know dear, how much I love you

"oh, well it's a nice song," he responded, sitting next to me, about a foot away. I sat there cross legged, with my hands at my sides, supporting my body as I leaned backwards, I flinched slightly as our pinkies touched slightly. 

so please don't take my sunshine away.