Smile, Synonym

[14] Roman Alonso

If he had to be honest, Roman didn't regret punching Levi in the face. In fact, it felt really good.

He'd been wanting to do that since sophomore year when Roman finally realised that his friend was a major dick. On that day, Levi had not only harshly insulted Sam Gibbins, but he beaten him up too, as if his verbal bullets weren't already satisfactory. But who was Roman to judge? He was just like him. Roman had kicked Sam on the way out and pretended like it was nothing.

He kept staring at his reflection on the mirror when he arrived home after that encounter. At first, Roman was dumbfounded. He knew Levi wasn't exactly a great guy but — he never really thought Levi would snoop this low.  That he was ruthless enough to enjoy hurting people. Then, Roman felt guilt-ridden. He kept remembering the way Sam's body withered on the floor, how he clutched onto his stomach, his eyes blank and mouth still. Roman's grandmother had always told him to be polite and have manners, and those exact words echoed in his ears as the image was still fresh on his mind. Afterwards, Roman was angry. But not at Levi, at himself. Because he couldn't bring himself to speak up or stop even when he wanted to.

Roman was stupid enough to follow Levi and act as if everything was okay, even when he knew he was slowly corrupting himself in the process.

If Roman could go back in time, he would gone back to the first day of football tryouts. He would have warned himself never to talk or even look at Levi, like he never existed because he shouldn't.

But younger Roman was too naive back then. Too star-struck. Levi, along with Andrew, were one of the coolest kids in school. Hanging out with them would be phenomenal, like a dream come true. When they saw how good Roman was at tossing and running, he'd immediately got their attention.

And it meant everything to him when he was thirteen. Because Roman never felt normal growing up. He looked different, with his brown skin and dark hair and eyes. He wasn't well-off either; he was the youngest out of five children and, with his parents having mediocre jobs, he'd have to apply for a sports scholarship to get into a good school. Plus, Roman was confused with, well, the whole "liking people" thing. He never really looked at a girl and thought of her as anything more, not like how he felt when he saw certain guys he found attractive.

That's why, when Levi and Andrew offered him a spot on their table at lunch, Roman instantly took it without second thought of anything or anyone.

Because opportunities like that — being able to fit in — came in once in a lifetime. And if you were stupid enough to shut down the offer, it meant you were brave enough to face the consequences.

But Roman wasn't brave. Not even the slightest. He was only clever to realise that, if you couldn't be courageous, you could pretend to be. That way, it would guarantee no one would hurt you first.

Since then, Roman never went against Levi's word, and it will always be Roman's biggest regret.