The Scarlet Sweater

15. Trainwreck

The funeral was short and sweet. Every student from the school district and the surrounding districts was there. Daniel had made that much of an impact on that many students’ lives. It was kind of touching, but then you realize that most came for the awesome catered food (as Daniel’s parents could only afford the best for their deceased youth). Among the crowd were Jeni and Nic, both who felt responsible for this tragedy.

Jeni sniffled. “It’s my fault!” she cried. “I shouldn’t have led him on the way I did!”

Nic patted her arm. “It’s more my fault! I’m the one who made him lose his will to live!”

Jeni looked over at him. “You’re right. It might be more your fault.”

Nic scoffed, and the rest of the ceremony took place. At the end, a man with an accordion played Daniel’s favorite song, “Flight of the Bumblebee,” and it was off to the burial site. Being already in the cemetery, it wasn’t a long walk. The grass was wet with dew, and Juliearl’s small sandals got soaked to the bone. She kept gesturing to her soaked thongs, but Jeni paid her no notice. She was too focused on the lowering of Daniel’s coffin. How small it was. He had become frighteningly small and frail as the three years had trudged on.

Nic began to cry. “I can’t be here.” he whispered to Jeni.

“He’d want you to be here. You were his best friend!” Jeni whispered back.

“I can’t see him after confessing what I’ve done!”

“You’ve got to! If you don’t face your fears, then you’ll never become a strong man.”

This struck Nic aghast. He had always been told by his father and brother what it meant to be a man. Drinking beer, lounging around with minimal clothing, and being able to fart and burp without repercussion had been prime examples. But this nonsense Jeni was spewing now...seemed much more important. Nic felt touched, but then he saw that Juliearl was holding his hand. Nic beamed down at her.

“Are you going to stay with us, Nic?” she asked. “I would so ever appreciate a father figure to look up to!”

“Not now, Juliearl,” said he, “but someday.”

Her face twisted in rage. “I have to wait until someday when you decide it’s okay to come live with us? What kind of promise is that?”

“It’s the best I can do for now,” Nic explained. “I’m only 18…”

“Well, trying isn’t good enough!” Juliearl cried. “All I’ve ever wanted in some male influence in my life and I can’t even have that! My life is so unfair!”

“Hush now,” Jeni came down to Juliearl’s level. “There’s no need to get all worked up.”

“I don’t want to wait for him!” she cried again. “I want him to live with us now!” She ran off down the cemetery lane, out of sight. Nic started after her, but Jeni grabbed his hand.

“It’s fine,” she said, exasperated. “She does this all the time. It makes me feel bad that I spoiled her so when she was younger.”

Nic wasn’t listening to Jeni anymore. He was trapped in his own thoughts. How could he be a man if he didn’t keep or fulfill his promises? How could he even live if he wasn’t true to his word? Breaking a little girl’s heart was just too much to bear. A single tear streamed down his face. Jeni noticed the solitary drop and looked at him. She had no emotion, but the wheels in her mind were reeling for a conclusion as to why Nic was expressing himself in a singular tear.

Suddenly, Nic spoke up. “I want to be by myself for a while,” he said. Jeni nodded her head and bade him goodbye. She knew she would see him again in an hour or two, after he was done being moody. But she still had this feeling of dread; a feeling that loomed over her soul. A dark feeling. She shivered and wandered away to find Juliearl’s hiding place.