Thornderous

Chapter 04. In a toxic relationship with floor

'Can't stop staring at those ocean eyes'

                                            ~billie eilish

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'8 November, 2017'

Inadvertently, I let out an exasperated sigh, my breath reverberating through my hollow throat as my finger tip glided on the cold surface of the now well acquainted floor.

The same old sensation washed over me to finish my routine task, oozing in like a vampiristic compulsion.

'Dear Kali, it's been long, too long in fact.'

For a protracted, fine second, I kept staring at the floor with admiration stuffed in my eyes.

This composed form of metamorphic rock had been my dearest paramour, he supported me when I fall, he carried me when I was whisked away and moreover, he let doodle on his skin.

I knew our relationship was and always has been toxic when I was concerned for him for being too ticklish. But I can't overlook his benevolence and capacity to hear my bullshit, his generosity to hold me in those sleep deprived nights.

My regards goes to the one and only floor, thank y- what the fuck?

Oh god, my goal was to lose just one brain cell per day, but it seems I'm already ahead of the schedule.

Segregating my idiosyncratic thoughts aside, I re-commenced my daily scribbling to sculpt my eccentric thought, about a rather mystified bee of a query buzzing around my head.

'I'm looking Kali, I still am, but I can't able to envision the brightness. You told to wait so I kept waiting, yet I still can't able to cipher out the conclusion.

I waited when he emptied my vessel of hope. I waited when he hauled my body like a trash barrel. And I bloody waited when he so gloriously toyed with my vulnerability.

But I still can't figure out you. How do I feel powerful?'

Gulping down my anticipation, I re-engaged my decedent form in a phantasmal hunt for an remedy I was so longing to find out, 'Patience is Power. Patience... '

I couldn't hold a snort as the words faded away as swiftly as they were imprinted on the marble.

'What should I consider? Whether that word wrecked my life or is making me delusory powerful. I'm beginning to believe that... ' I clutched my knuckles tight, my flesh swallowing the ache as I jabbed my fingers into my palm. '... is there a way out?'

The sunlight was crawling around the edges of dawn, the rays departing gentle kisses on the horizon.

But the closer the brightness crept inside, the more my stomach twisted into uncomfortable knots. My eyes fluttered close and I strived to calm myself as the time ticked closer.

'After all, this was my fate. I've been made and trained for this since I was a small girl.

The continual beating, the immense tortures, the hot metallic taste of blood. All deliver me a sense of nostalgia, like a repeat telecast of a telly series.

The difference is simply the change in casts, characters and intensity.

My bruises never faded from the past. Only now, they're revised, redesigned and reformed, earnestly overlapped with the fresh ones.