HINDI NA POSIBLE

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HINDI NA POSIBLE

Pagdating ko ng bahay, unang bumungad sa akin si Mommy sa may living room, casually watching TV.

Weird, she's supposed to be in the office at this kind of time.

Bago pa ako umakyat sa aking kwarto ay nakita na niya ako.

"Saan ka galing?" tanong niya.

Ayokong humarap sa kanya at makikita niya kung gaano ka maga ang aking mga mata at kung gaano kapula ang aking mukha kakaiyak.

Humarap ako habang nakatungo tsaka siya sinagot.

"Galing lang po akong orphanage, My. Sige akyat na po ako." Kalmado kong pinaalam.

"Yun ba ang totoo?" tanong niya ulit.

"Opo, My." Pilit ko, I don't have the time to argue with her.

Bago pa ulit ako makahakbang ay hinawakan na niya ang braso ko tsaka ako hinarap sa kanya.

"Liv, you can tell me anything. I'm your mother, I'll understand.." mahimbing niyang sinabi.

Hindi ko na napigilan at umiyak na ako sa harapan, agad niya akong niyakap.

"It's alright, I'm here.. I got you.." sabi niya habang hinahaplos ang aking likod.

The pain was uncontrollable, every time I think of him the tears just automatically burst.

There was no way I can move on from our story. It was too much to handle.

Inalalayan ako ni Mommy paakyat ng aking kwarto, habang mukhang lasing ako when in fact masyado lang akong nanghihina, ay bumaba ulit siya para ikuha ako ng makakain.

While waiting for her I scanned my room, looking for any more memories of us. I want to get rid of it. I want to forget about it.

But it is not that easy.

I started scrolling through my phone, immediately deleting his number and blocking him on all social media accounts.

Kahit na kabisado ko ang bawat isa.

It makes me even more frustrated, the fact na I memorized every detail on his face, his dimples, his smile, his eyes, even his forelines. Gosh.

I went over to my table and saw our photo album, the time we've spent together was treasured in every photograph we took that day.

Ano na ngayon gagawin ko dito?

Without thinking I torn the pages of the album and threw every photo, making it scatter into my whole room.

Great, now my whole room reminds me of him.

I was still crying and my sobs were getting deeper as I look at every part of my room.

Felix isn't part of my life anymore. He was just a phase, but I didn't want him to be.

As I sob in my bed, Mommy opens the door to find all the mess I've made and quickly set down the food she brought in my bedside table.

"Liv, ano nangyari dito? Bakit kumalat?" tanong niya.

Habang pinupulot ang bawat litrato ay pinagmamasdan niya muna ng maigi ang bawat isa.

Pagkatapos magligpit ay bumalik siya sa kama para ihain sa akin ang dala niyang pagkain.

"Tapsilog, your favorite!" wika niya, clearly wanting me to lighten up.

Imbis na matuwa dahil it's my favorite dish naalala ko lang yung panahon na kasama ko si Felix kumain sa favorite Tapa Resto ko, which made cry again for the hundredth time this day.

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