Timothée Chalamet Imagines

2 years

warnings : talks about suicide 

Dear Timothee, 

Its been 2 years and I still remember. I remember the fights we had to the love we shared together all for you to leave. You promised you would try, that you would try to stay for me. Every day that passes I still think, about you, about us, what our future could have been. I blame myself for what happened, one phone call can change everything.

I was thinking about us the other night, our song came on the radio and the memories coming in and out of my mind like the trains at the train stations. I miss it. I miss waking up every morning and seeing those eyes, those beautiful sea's of deep blue  staring at me and your chestnut hair dangling directly in front of them. I miss waking up and knowing that you are the reason I'm still here, breathing. I knew that you were struggling to find a reason to stay, I did everything in my power to make sure that you were alive, breathing and healthy, but it wasn't enough.

Its been 2 years, and everyday it gets harder and harder, mum said that I should throw our pictures away, I tried but I cant, I just can't. I don't want to forget your beautiful face and how your freckles spread across your nose to your cheeks and how that when you get nervous you'd always play with your rings or whenever I was sad you would call me, calls would last hours until eventually we fell asleep looking up at the same moon, those are the memories I don't want to forget, even the little things are the things that you hold onto when you know you have nothing left, the little things that play over and over in your head like a film. My biggest fear is that I'll forget, that I'll forget what you look like and who you were to me, the smallest details such as how your nose scrunched up when laughed or how every time you got excited your eyebrows would raise higher, such as those things I don't want to forget.

I couldn't even look at you laying down in the casket, lifeless. No more stupid jokes, no more little adventures, no more neck kisses or hugs, no more late night calls, no more skipping class to go to the cinemas, you were gone, a part of me was gone.

I always dream about us, but instead of replaying the memories, I imagine what we could have been doing if you were here right now, this is all I had left the memories and the fantasy. Its time to let go, it still doesn't feel real, I've been holding on for all this time, holding onto you, for 2 years. The phone call is something that l always Is in the back of my mind. If you were struggling you should of told me, I should of called you and maybe that would change and you'd still be here, I blame myself for your death. instead I got a phone call from the hospital, the hospital we met in, the hospital we both got treated for depression, the hospital were we both promised that'd we be here for each other but instead you broke that promise, you had taken your life. 2am the clock read, that was the time that you were announced lifeless, not breathing, just gone.

I still love you, I love every little bit about you, people saw you as the tuff guy but I saw you as someone who was soft and broken, I'm sorry we didn't make your wish come true, the wish that I still pray every day that should of came true, for you to be happy. But now I know that you are in a better place, you were an angel on earth and now you've been granted your wings.

I cant believe I'm here right now, writing this letter, I know that you want me to be happy and after 2 years my brain has decided to let go, let go of you, us. It's time to move on. Thank you for the memories, thank you for making me laugh and thank you for making me see life in a better perspective, thank you for believing in me.

Thank you Timothee Hal Chalamet.

Love from,

Y/n

A/N - hey bub, I hope you are doing well I'm really proud of myself for this imagine of Timothee. If you are struggling right now and need someone to talk to my DM's are always open and most importantly Suicide Hotline and other websites that can help you with whatever problems you are dealing with. I will also be taking requests, DM me on insta - abbs.christine 

I hope you stay safe and stay positive,

Until the next imagine,

Abbey <3

Suicide hotline - 13 11 14 

Beyond Blue - 1300 22 4636

Kids Helpline - 1800 551 800