Serenis

Chapter 9

I stood in the shower letting the water once again act like my own personal psychologist, washing away all my worries and fears and allowing me to focus on the real issue at hand. I closed my eyes and let the water wash over my hair. I decided it would be a good idea to give my hair a good clean to a) wash out the hospital smell that seemed to be oozing out my pours and b) it would buy me a little more bathroom time, aka thinking time, as I would have to dry my hair.  

I went through all the steps last night from walking through the door to slowly closing my eyes and falling deeper and deeper into a coma like sleep. This was the first time ever that I'd had a nightmare and wanted to remember it. I was desperate to know if this Thane person was the man in the cowboy hat from my dream and if so what he actually said to me last night. I turned the shower off, unsatisfied with the results as I really thought the water would help me somehow magically remember. I looked at my watch; it was only 11:30am and I gave a heavy sigh at the thought of having Josh and Ben here all day - I loved them both so much but being constantly monitored was making our house feel smaller and smaller by the minute. I wiped the moisture from the mirror so I could at least see if the copious amount of sleep had had any positive effect on my appearance. I still had dark circles under my eyes and admittedly looked quite gaunt in the face, but other than that the color had come back into my cheeks and my eyes were definitely brighter.  

I began brushing my teeth as I looked deeper and deeper into the mirror and let my mind wonder when much to my surprise I found myself talking to my mother and asking her for help. I guess deep down I knew that I wouldn't get an answer but part of me hoped that somehow she was looking down on me and could see exactly what was going on; surely if she knew she would help me, right? 

I spat out the mint striped toothpaste and looked back into the mirror, deep into my eyes and took in a huge sigh. 'Please Mom, please if you are listening to me, what am I missing? Where do I have to look? Is it safe to follow Rochelle's advice and do exactly what my dreams are asking me to?' I shook my head a few times and chuckled, boy had I lost my mind; dreaming about dead canaries and now talking to my mother who I had never met, insane, Evie, insane.  

I squeezed the extra water out of my hair then wrapped my towel tighter around my body, I was taking no chances with Joshua in the house and was almost wishing I'd brought my clothes in with me to change. I turned the doorknob half expecting to see one of the boys on the other side of the door but to my surprise they were still downstairs arguing over which football match they were going to watch. Ben eventually won the fight by threatening to tell Nancy that Josh had skipped school using a forged note.  

I walked into my room and opened the suitcase that Ben had brought back from the hospital; I figured most of my stuff was in there anyhow. I knelt on the floor and undid the zipper. As I flipped the lid over and looked inside I jolted back against the bed at what I saw. Sitting on top of the pile of neatly folded clothes was my white shirt and navy blue skirt that I'd put into the hospital bin before I left. I picked them up and put them beside me, trying to remember if I had actually put them in the bin at the hospital or if I just thought about doing it. I definitely threw them away; I remember deciding to get rid of them, taking away anything that would remind me of that awful day. Ben must have gone in and picked them up thinking I had misplaced them and the staff had thrown them away; yes, that had to be it. Or maybe someone found them at the hospital and dropped them over last night, but why would they be in my bag?  

I slipped on a pair of jeans and the T-shirt Josh had given me last Christmas advertising his band "Josh and the rest of us" and sat on the bed, staring at the clothes as I dried my hair. Things were getting too weird now and I wasn't sure I was up to all of this; the nightmares, the hospital, the weird twilight zone moments that were occurring too regularly and, of course, meeting Rochelle and finding out about all this secret world nonsense, let alone the wonderful new occupation I had of killing people. I just wished I could close my eyes and go forward in time to when all of this had stopped and things were back to normal; just me, my Dad and Willis living a normal happy life in our perfect little house. I ran my fingers through my thick hair which was now dry, but decided to leave the hairdryer going so the boys would give me a few more minutes' peace.