The Cabin

Part 6

A strike of lightning finally wakes me. I look down at my body, barely able to move my head. My legs still completely numb. My head wanders as I try to figure out what happened.

The cold floor brings back memories. The memories of me and my sister, when I forgot my medicine. The night that I collapsed in pain. My head is filled with memories, some that are complete and some that have missing pieces. It's almost like someone was missing that night, like my head erased them. I can tell that they were important and brought me warmth, why can't I remember?

And that medicine, I clearly don't have it here. So what was it for and why did I collapse? My head felt like it was splitting with questions. My memory fogged up and confused. Was that what my medicine was for?

As I lay on the ground my legs finally start to work. I wiggle my toes and lift my head up. My head still not wrapped around what happened, who I was forgetting. I finally stand up and look out the window. The crisp and tall trees swaying in the storm and the clouds fighting for space. I look down at my picture "Who am I forgetting?" I mumbled. Knowing that I had forgotten someone was the tip of an iceberg. Someone I loved, someone who cared for me, how can I not remember?

This old house had so many pictures and yet none of this missing person. My head fogged up and my memories went still. A sense of loss blurred my vision, darkness flooded my eyes.

I couldn't tell where I was anymore, was I laying down or standing up? I could feel the cold breeze of the cabin but I could also feel warm blankets holding my body. Am I still in the kitchen or did I go to my room? Soft voices filled my head, their sorrows raining down. I feel like I'm being forced to breathe, like I have no control of my lungs. I can feel something go through my throat, it's forcing my lungs to expand.

I'm suddenly pulled back to the kitchen as my wrist sends sharp pains up my arm. I open my eyes to see that my bandages had come undone, the cursed writing laughs at my face. The longing wish of it leaving my body, returns to my mind. How can such a small thing like writing change a person's life?

I grab a lighter from a small drawer and a small flame burns bright. I bring it to my wrist and start to burn the writing. How I wish that it would burn like paper and turn to ash. The smell of burning flash rushes through the house. I ignore the smell and continue to burn my wrist. I don't feel the flame or the burn. I only feel a great loss, a loss for my Aunt, for this mystery person. As the skin burns off I remember that Sasha had left me a message and I never responded, I had planned to see her in person but... that never happened.

I pick up my phone, leaving her a message "Hey Sash, I know you want me to come back to you but... Aunt May, she passed. If you really are alive, me coming there would just hurt you. I'm sorry" as I ended the message her voice came back to my head. I can almost hear her begging me to come back.

I drop the lighter and look at my burning wrist, the skin boiling. I run cold water and place the burn under it, the writing still sitting there, showing that no matter what I did... nothing would work. I dry off my wrist, the towel irritating my skin, and I walk back to my room. I can almost feel someone following me, a voice telling me to take off my binder. Telling me that it's not safe for me to wear it this long. The sweet and deep voice persuades me and I take off the binder that has crushed my chest. I trusted this voice, I couldn't tell who it was but I knew I was safe with them.

Sometimes the voices come from my head but this one, this one felt like a memory. This time it felt like I had lived this before, years ago.

I wrapped myself in blankets as another cold breeze ran in the cabin. I could feel a warm body behind me, their arms wrapped around me. I felt safe, knowing that no one is actually there, pretending that someone was. But this still feels like a memory from long ago. A deep voice telling me to take care of myself, cuddling up next to me, a fragment of a memory that I wanted to be whole.

I remember a small apartment, dingy but cozy, a window by the bed. I remember how happy I was there, how I wanted those days to last forever. How the small living space brought me so much joy. I fell asleep with a smile on my face. I began to dream of those days.

Waking up in a queen sized bed that hardly fit in the tight space. Someone's arms wrapped around my waist tightly, pulling me closer to him. Their warm body rested up against mine. My hair still longish as it fell on my pillow, a soft and comfy pillow. His rough chest against my back.

My eyes open to show a blurry apartment, a fragment of a memory, a haze. I look down at his hands, they hold me closer to him, a few small scars run on them. My small wrist has two bracelets. A thick blue and red one, the thread making waves. The second is smaller and rounded off. This one is red and black and spirals inward. I remember wearing these bracelets but why don't I have them anymore?

I switch my focus off my left arm that holds the bracelets and feel this mystery man shift his head. His head moved closer to my ear as he whispered "morning baby boy" His soft and deep voice brightened my face, turning five different shades of red. Those words circulated in my head, why couldn't I remember who he was?

He kissed the back of my neck and whispered again "I love you so much" I could listen to his voice all day, playing like an orchestra that never takes a break.

I hugged his arms tighter, I couldn't remember who he was but I knew one thing, I never wanted to let go. I started to roll over, wanting to see his face. My vision was hazy but I remembered those lips. I gazed into his beautiful dark brown eyes, seeing my future laid out before me. For only a second I remembered his name.

I felt my body being pulled back to reality as a smoke cloud went through the air. The tiny glimpse of his face, sadly faded away in my memory.

I woke up in the dingy cabin. I quickly sit up, wanting to see his face again, to feel his body against mine. The presence of his body gone. Pieces of my memories flooded my brain. I remember his kind soul, I remember his laugh, his jokes, I remember feeling whole.

I layed back down again, hoping for that dream to continue. I closed my eyes once again, my hand laying softly on my pillow. Butterflies filled my stomach, his sweet smile took home in my brain. I held onto my pillow, wishing I could go back to his arms.

But, sadly, that's not how the world works.

A new dream began, I was sitting on top of a roof in New York city. The moon and stars shined above me, a cool breeze flew past me. A deep pit grows inside me, tears rush down my face. I sobmerly talk to the moon, my festering questions to it are not seen. I talked to the moon as if it's my friend- no, as if it's more than a friend.

I feel hope inside me, hoping for someone to come back. I look down to see those two bracelets still on my wrist. I was only surrounded by the stars, an oversized hoodie rested on my chest. The hoodie was three sizes too big and clearly not mine, a musky smell came from it.

Only a few words came from my mouth "I hope you're on the other side. I hope you're talking to me too." Uncontrollable tears fell down my face. I whimpered "Or am I a fool... who sits alone..." I tucked my head into my arms as I continued crying. This time I didn't wake up until morning.