Just around the corner

Chapter 1

You know those morning's when your alarm is blaring next to your face and all you want to do is roll over and ignore it? Yeah, well that day is today for me.

Today, I have to say goodbye to the one person who I thought I would be able to count on for the rest of my life. Today, I will have to thank people for coming to help me say goodbye to the person who has put me on a pedal stool for the past 17 years.

Today, I say goodbye to my husband. My best friend in the whole entire world. My rock and most definitely the other half of my soul.

I drag my sorry arse out of bed after hitting the snooze button. Sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing my feet against the carpet, the tears already falling down my face. My breathing is shallow and the sobs are making their way out of my throat.

*Knock*

*Knock*

"Mum, I have made you a cup of tea and some toast" My eldest daughter Misty pops her head in the door.

"Thank you, baby girl. I'll be there in a moment" I say back to her giving her a small sad smile

Misty closes the door to my bedroom and I continue to sit on my bed crying for the love of my life. He was taken away too soon. We had big plans for the future. We were going to travel the world and do all the things we could not when we were growing up.

I finally drag myself into the bathroom and start the shower. Removing my pajama's, I slowly get under the warm spray of water. Allowing the water to consume me and wash away my falling tears.

I must have been in there for a long time as my youngest daughter Lacy comes into the bathroom

"Mummy, you need to get out now. You look like an old lady"

I look at Lacy through the glass door and give her a small smile

"I'm coming baby girl. I'm coming"

--

I know funerals are more for celebrating the life of a loved one and I know Alex wouldn't be happy to see me so emotional over his death, but I just can't seem to get my head around the fact he isn't here with me anymore. One silly mistake at work that was not even his mistake in the first place has taken the life of a man who had so much going for him.

Pulling on my black pants and a bright orange top as that colour was Alex's favourite, I make my way into the kitchen. Misty had made me a fresh cup of tea and there was 2 pieces of toast with peanut butter sitting on a plate.

I take a seat at the dining room table and eat my breakfast. Each bite making me want to vomit.

Before I know it, I am making my way to the car that will be taking me to his final resting place.

The drive over to the cemetery was hard. Knowing that this will be the last time I will get to say goodbye to him, was slowly killing my soul. Knowing that at the end of the day, I will still be going home to that emptiness that he has left us with. A quarter of our family is gone, never to return.

The tears are rolling down my face in a continuous stream. "Alex, your life was taken too soon from all of us. I will never forget the days and nights we would just sit together watching the sun set or rise depending on the mood we were in. The conversations about our future and what we hoped our children would turn out like. The love we shared and the life we created with each other. You always knew what to say when things got tough. You were my sound board for all my crazy ideas, but you never once told me I could not achieve them. You are the absolute love of my life and I have no idea what I am going to do without you around. My love, the reason my heart beats as strong as it does is because you loved me. There will never be a day that goes by where you will not consume my thoughts and every night you will always be in my dreams"

I cannot contain the emotions I am feeling, looking at the casket that contains my beautiful husbands' lifeless body. The sobs are wracking my body in violent convulsions. I am glad for one thing, having Misty and Lacy to keep me going.

Once the minister had finished the service and the procession at the grave was complete. The wake was held at my mother-in-law's house. My mother-in-law is a totally different kettle of fish. To say we did not see eye to eye at the best of times would be an understatement.

Sitting on her couch, minding my own business, I overhear her talking to family, "She made sure I wouldn't get anything of his if he died. I am his mother for goodness sakes" the words she spits out make my blood boil. I know this is not the time nor the place for an argument, so I decide to be the bigger person and leave while I still have my dignity intact. Cannot say the same for her.

I pack Misty and Lacy up and call for an uber. While waiting out in the street for our driver, Alex's sister approaches us

"Where are you going Laura? You know it is rude to leave without saying anything to anybody" I had had enough of biting my tongue all the time around them and at this present moment I was not able to hold back.

"Well for a matter of fact Alicia. I could not give a fuck if it is rude or not to leave without saying goodbye. I have had enough of listening to YOUR mother drag me and the girls name through the mud. YOUR mother does not deserve a fucking penny from MY husband's estate. She was never a mother to him. And you, you call yourself the sister everybody would want but you are the sister from hell. When he was going through a tough time where were you? Oh that is right you choose friends over family. I am happy to be leaving now, because at the end of the day, I do not have to have anything to do with you and your family. So if you do not mind, MY daughter's and I will be leaving. Oh and lose my number. I wouldn't want to be taking up storage space in your phone"

I turn my back on Alicia just as our car turns up. The girls and I quickly jump in the back closing the car door and giving the driver the address. I do not turn back to look out the window. That is now the past. I know in my heart Alex would be happy for me no matter what I do with my life now.

It might sound like a morbid conversation to have with a loved one, but he always told me that if he was to die before me, he gave his blessing for me to fall in love again. It is not something that will happen in this lifetime but you never know what is waiting for you just around the corner.