To finally be free... [Soukoku]

Chapter 13 : Keep an eye on you

Monday when i came to school Dazai wasn't at his desk. I looked on the roof, the infirmary but he was not there, I asked his friends but they didn't know anything. Has he had family problems? At lunch i couldn't eat anything,i really was worried for him.

"Hey Chuuya, are you okay? You haven't eaten anything" asked Ranpo eating a candy.

"I'm fine, I'm just not hungry" i said with a reassuring smile, even if i smiled he know that i wasn't fine at all. It's not like i could tell him about Dazai, he told me to stay away from him, so he wouldn't been happy if i tell him that i talked to him...

"Does it have something to do with Dazai not showing up today?" he asked and my eyes widened. He really is a genius...

"Of course not!" I said quickly but it wasn't really convincing. He murmured a 'yeah sure...' and i looked away.

"You love him, don't you?" he said and i blushed as i looked at him surprised before looking away again.

"I told you to-"

" "To stay away from him", I know and I'm sorry... i couldn't..." i said burying my head in my knees as Ranpo sighed.

"Chuuya please forget him, it will be better for both of you" He said gently patting my head.

"If only it was that easy…" I muttered.

"We should go back to classe" said Ranpo and we stood up, i walked to my classe and sat at my desk. I looked behind me at the still empty desk, there was no more that stupid smiling face of Dazai...

Dazai pov.

warning : self harm

I hate him...
I hate them all...
If only i could kill him, even watching him die would be enough...

I don't want to live, why can't I just die ?! ... I hate myself so much...

I got up and walked to the bathroom and opened a drawer to take out a razor blade. I looked at it before pointing it at my wrist and start cutting it. I watched as blood flowed down my arm from every injure i did to myself. I did the same with my other arm before I fell to the floor.
I sat against the wall and looked at the red blood dripping from my fingers.
There is no point in living... It's not like someone would care if i die...

"Heh~ how selfish of me, I didn't even thought of my friends nor Oda... Of course they would be sad..." I said out loud with a smile.

"There is also Chuuya, would she be sad if i die?"

Oda pov.

Dazai didn't show up today and it make me nervous. Dazai isn't the type to not come to school like this, even so when something happen he always texts me... I walked down the hall when I saw a redhead in front of me.

"Hello Chuuya" I said and she looked at me surprised.

"Oh, hello Oda-sensei" she replied with a smile.

"Are you okay? You look pretty sad" i said and she looked away.

"Well, I'm just a little worried about a friend who didn't came to school" she admitted, is she talking about Dazai?

"Last time i seen you talking with Dazai, you two looks close so i wanted to ask, do you maybe know if he is alright?" she asked, yeah she was talking about him.

I suddenly had an idea, i don't know if it's a good one or not. "Well, he didn't told me anything" i said and the looked away again with a sad expression.

"But if you want you could go-" i was about to ask her if she could go visit him but then Ango cuted me in my sentence.

"Hi Oda, the director want to see you right now" he said, well look like i'll have to go... I said goodbye to Chuuya and left. Something is weird, Ango acted really strange...

Ango pov.

I'm going back to work on my files when I saw Oda with Chuuya in the hallway. I then decided to check what where they talked about.

"Last time i seen you talking with Dazai, you two looks close so i wanted to ask, do you maybe know if he is alright?"

"Well, he didn't told me anything. But if you want you could go-"

He was about to ask him, i mean "her", to go visit him. I had to interfere.

"Hi Oda, the director want to see you right now" I said. Thank God, he left quickly. I have to make him stay away from Chuuya, it will be more safe.

I looked at Chuuya and smiled. "Hello Chuuya, how are you?" i asked and he looked surprised.

"Yes, how about you sir?" he asked with a shy smile. His voice was a little broken, it must be hard to faking all day.

"I'm fine. Well I should leave too. Have a nice day" I said and left.
Everything is going as planned, I just have to keep an eye on Oda, he could mess up everything.