The lost children (finished editing)

"Chapter 3; A parent's grief"

Trigger warnings; Missing children, kidnapping, child neglect, bad parenting, mentions of near miscarriages, unhealthy coping mechanisms, etc.

Let me know if I should add to the list.

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There is no greater pain than losing a child—whether they die or disappear, there is no greater pain than losing them.

The heroes and villains of a realm where every story starts with once upon a time know this very well—after all, each of them had lost a child and each of them had reacted in similar yet different manners.

After losing Harriet, Killian began to drink more and lost his temper more often leading him to distance himself from his remaining two children in fear of unintentionally scaring or harming them. He didn't want to be an abusive drunk— hell, he didn't want to be abusive, period. He downright refused to do anything that would put his remaining two children in danger—so he distanced himself from them.

Killian didn't plan on doing this forever—he just needed time to grieve and look for her.

Harrison and Calista understood that—at least, he was pretty sure they did.

Once the pain lessened, he'd get right back to taking care of both of them and make up for the lost time. He just couldn't be around them much after losing Harriet because he was drinking more and more, and knew how much it scared them; He didn't want to scare them.

Killian also found it hard to look at himself in the mirror and to look at Harrison & Calista because he would just be reminded of his eldest. He hated himself for the fact that he couldn't look at either of them, but there was nothing to do to fix it—all he felt when he looked at the two of them was pain. It wasn't like he blamed or hated them—he could never do either of those things where his children were concerned—he just couldn't look at or interact with them too much. But that didn't mean that he completely ignored or disregarded their presence—he was always checking up on them at night and asking for updates on what they did and their health from his crew. He still loved them, they were still precious to him and he would still do anything for them—he just couldn't look at them. Eventually, Killian would come to dearly regret these actions...

One day, he woke up and went to wake his children only to find them gone like Harriet and Smee's boys, and felt his heart completely shatter.

He woke up the entire crew and they spent weeks tearing apart the ship, other ships, and neighboring villages looking for the two only to find nothing. This is when he started to consume copious amounts of alcohol on a daily basis just to function. He ended up locking himself in his room and very nearly drank himself to death for a full week straight after Harry and CJ disappeared, and constantly berated himself for how poorly he dealt with Harriet's disappearance. He had been acting like a horrible father for months now and hadn't given them the love, affection, and attention they had deserved and desired.

One day, he had been a loving albeit slightly distant, functioning alcoholic of a father and the next he was a barely functioning, neglectful, distant father who couldn't even look or talk to his children.

Killian had always known that he didn't deserve his children—they were too wholesome and pure while he was simply the exact opposite in his mind. They were loving and affectionate, and he wasn't used to that even though he recuperated it. He had just been too selfish to give them up and hadn't wanted to abandon them like his father had done to him and Liam. Maybe this was God's way of punishing him for all the bad he had done—including underappreciating his children. They'd been the light of his life and now they were gone, and he had no one to blame other than himself for his own stupid negligence.