Blood Moon (Paul Lahote)

Nineteen: Never Again

There was no point in changing my clothes because Tommy insisted that I stay in the kitchen and now I know why. She doesn't want me seeing Sue, or her seeing me. They have me carry the heavy boxes of fruits and take stuff to the boys in the back. I avoid the gaze of Paul every time I go back there. I can feel his judgemental eyes and I don't like them. Right now Ateara's dad is doing a ceremony called Weblégo (Wee-Blay-goh). He takes a small piece of each dish and places it in a small glass bowl, then he and Billy walk outside and everyone is still silent.

"They're feeding his spirit." Dawn whispers to me. After he comes back in, everyone gets out their dishes and the helpers pass out the food. The bucket of corn soup is so huge that Jake and Sam have to carry it together. There were at least 100 people here, all sitting in rows on the perimeter of the gym with the food in the middle and the casket on the east wall. It was open, with a lace cloth covering it. Dad was sitting at the first chair. The water was passed out before anything else, Brady walked around carrying a metal pale and ladle. He only gave each person a small drop, each drinking it immediately after. They made the helpers plates at the counter as they walked by. "We drink a small sip of water before every traditional meal because water is life." Dawn explains as Brady comes by with the water. Emily passes out frybread after him, then Jake and Sam follow. Dawn said the turnout is pretty good, it took us an hour to make the bread alone. I watch everyone from the other side of the counter with my chin resting on my hand. I know it sounds bad but I'm just ready to go home. I just want to lay in bed all day. I only came to be here for my dad, but Tommy won't even let me go out of the kitchen. There was honestly no point in me being here right now. I could just leave but my car is sitting on the side of the road right now. Em and Paul come around with a dish called steam fry, I look down at the floor as they put some in each plate. I tear a piece of frybread and dip it into the steam fry then take a bite. It tastes like meat but has a gravy-like look and texture. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I finished everything on my plate.

Everyone ate as Ateara's dad, Uncle Billy, and Dad each took turns to say something about Harry. Then they told everyone it was okay to come and get seconds. After everyone was done and all the food was gone, everyone went to view the body and see the family. They formed a line by the signature book then viewed the body and shook hands and gave hugs to the family who each sat in their chairs. I catch a glimpse of Sue who is sitting on the other side of Dad. I know it's her because hair is cropped dramatically, barely touching her shoulders and her face is tear stained while she receives hugs from everyone that passes her. Even though her eyes are puffy and her face is shining from all her tears she still looks beautiful. Her hair is raven black and so are her almond shaped eyes, her lips aren't too full and her cheekbones are high. All of her features are defined and she hold hands with who I assume is Leah. After everyone goes through the line the family gives everyone who helped a gift. The boys came and gave me mine, a basket full of snacks, drinks, perfume, a towel, topped with a tribal blanket and a light blue material on top.

Once the family is done handing out gifts everyone heads to the cemetery. Dad is one of the pallbearers and walks out first. I wait a bit until few people are left in the gym to follow everyone out of the building. When I get outside, Dad is waiting for me in the cruiser and I hop in and set my gift basket in the back seat. He gets into the long line of cars that follow the hearse to the cemetery. I don't bring up Sue on the way there, nor do I object when he asks me to wait in the car because I understand, I don't want to bother her while all of this is going on. I decide not to bring it up to Dad either, he's dealing with the loss of his best friend right now. Now that I'm somber I can't help but think about Jason, and what Lia told me. I pull out my phone and check my messages. There is one message in my inbox from Lia.

Triantaphylia

If it's okay with you, I can set up a forensic interview. 7:04 am
Read. 2:12 pm

I clicked on the number and she picked up immediately.

"I want to do it." I say, sounding more confident than I thought I would.

"Okay." Lia's light voice says. "How does Saturday sound?"

"No more basketball so... yeah Saturday is great." I say. We talk about basketball and school for awhile until Dad gets back into the cruiser. Everyone starts to leave the cemetary in waves and we sit in the car in silence for awhile. I stare out of the window, watching people throw dirt onto Harry's grave. This is the first time someone I actually know has died, someone I will remember. People come and go out of my life so often I've never known anyone who has passed before. I don't like to say the word died, I think it sounds more traumatic than it actually is.

"Cailyn." Dad says and clears his throat. I adjust my position and turn to look at him. He hasn't used my full name in a while, as he usually calls me "Cails". "I'm guessing your wondering why you haven't been around everyone all day?"

"Not really." I lie, being stuck in the kitchen all day sucked, but I don't want to put more stress on everyone. "I don't mind."

"Well someone wants to meet you here." He says. "I wanted to wait for you to meet her but, I think you'll want to meet her too." And when he says that's mouth becomes dry and I regret knowing who he's talking about. Now that it comes down to it I'm not sure if I do want to meet her. All those times I wished I had parents when I was little, it was just a fantasy until I met Charlie. I've wanted to call someone "Dad" my whole life and now I have that. I have a family, minus or plus. Now I'm gonna have to start the whole process over again with Sue, and I don't know if I can. Maybe she'll think I'm not worth the trouble.

Then I hear a light tapping on the window and turn around to the woman standing outside of the cruiser. It's just her alone, without the crowd of people that I've seen her with. I look at Dad and he nods, confirming that I need to get out. I swallow the lump in my dry through and my stomach drops as I open the door and step out of the car and onto the dry grass. I shut the door before turning to face her. I stiffen and my breathing stops as she engulfs me in a warm hug.

I wish I could just hug her back. But my body and mind don't listen to each other. I don't know if I can receive this hug, but she doesn't care that my arms are still stiff by my sides. I don't know what's stopping me from just hugging her back, but I stand their and let her hug me. She starts to sob and she rubs the back of my head.

"I'm so sorry that I left you." She quietly sobs into my ear. Then I feel her shake her head. "Never again." I've had so many broken promises, that I don't know whether to believe her or not. I've had to learn to take everything with a grain of salt.

I wish I were a person that could trust easily, love easily, believe people easy. But I'm just this broken girl standing in front of her mother that she's wanted since she was a little girl, trying not to show emotion.

A/N: Weblégo is something specific to my tribe, so is the water thing. Not apart of Quileute culture, I just wanted to share that with you guys. Also sorry it's been a long time since I've updated, it's been stressful. Also remember that November is Native American Heritage Month! The election is also kinda shaking me up 😅🤚🏼