INANG HIRAYA AWARDS 2020

ROMANCE BATCH 1 RESULTS

ROMANCE Batch 1

Judged by haneehany

Disclaimer: This is my opinion and I hope you respect that every person has their own taste and preference. Although none of these stories really intrigued me and made a jaw-dropping reaction for me, I would still like to congratulate all the writers in this genre. You have done a great job. This reaction is not biased and is purely constructive criticism. This is not meant to downgrade your skill as an author but to help you grow and improve over time. That’s all, congratulations in advance. Padayon, writers!

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' ENTRY 1 -  mgakwentoniHinata
● Tierra De Amor Series/ Primero: JENOAH ●

Writing Style: 16.5/20

- If you can put all of the information you wanted to deliver in a paragraph, then do so. ‘Wag ‘yung palaktaw-laktaw, for example:
Umalis pa lang ang mga kaklase ko.
Everyone was shocked.
They expected that I’ll be their president next year.

This is wrong because if you can state it in a whole paragraph then much better. Feeling ko kilala ko na ang pinagbabasehan mong author sa writing style but you should research more about this kind of things. In a paragraph, you can fit for about 2-3 sentences.
- If you’re going to put a curse word, don’t put an asterisk in it because it will look informal and messy. Better yet, ‘wag nalang maglagay ng mura if ever.
- Don’t use w/,w/o,w/c in a sentence. You can only use that in chat messages and not in formal writing.
- By the way, you can just put the credits and notes at the end of the chapter para maging organized ang pagsusulat mo. Same with the disclaimer. You should put it on a separate part of the story, not on the description or blurb.
- Please use formal words like “No problem” instead of “Nu prablim.” For the nth time, remember that this is formal writing unless you would like to make your story an epistolary or a chat message/diary entry story.
- In formal writing, you should only put one exclamation mark or question mark at a time. Also don’t use “HAHAHA” in a dialogue and instead you can just narrate it. For example, instead of “HAHAHA”, you will use “He laughed that made him look like a crazy man,” or something like that.
- Avoid long conversations between friends nang walang dialogue tags kasi nakakalito siya kung sino na ang nagsasalita.
- Hindi na kailangang mautal pa ang bida lalo na kung narration lang naman siya at hindi dialogue.

Plot: 18.5/20

- Because of your messy writing style, hindi ako masyadong nakapag-focus sa plot. Masyado kong napapansin ang mga kamalian and na-bo-bother ako na hindi ko na naiintindihan ang storya. This is my reader’s point of view by the way.
- Based from what I’ve read, hindi ako suportado sa part na “Hindi porke’t nagdodroga ka ay masama ka na.” Yes, you can say that but the fact that they’re going against the rules of the government means that what they’re doing were wrong and illegal.
- Maganda siya ‘pag inintindi mo agad kasi na-ti-trigger ako sa mga nangyayari. Sorry sa mga word. Gusto ko sana mag-comment sa bawat linya kaso baka magmukha akong unprofessional haha. But really, the plot is unique for me. Wala pa akong nababasang ganito. Writing style lang talaga ang kailangan i-improve. Overall, ay magaling!
- Jenoah: I don’t get her character kasi parang hindi siya nag-iisip haha. I mean ang dense niya kasi who the hell would be okay kung bigla ka nalang babanggain tapos bibigyan ng droga? Siguro lagyan lang ng thrill dun sa part na bigla siyang kinausap ng pulis. I commend your consistent characterization of her being cool and unpredictable.

Flow: 22/25

- This is a Romance Genre so it is the author’s role to provide the romanticists the “kilig” and such. Pero chapter 3 na ako pero parang puro introduction lang lahat. Puro stress agad ang inabot ng readers.
- Dapat ay sa prologue mo siniksik lahat ng pwede mong isiksik na information. I saw that your prologue is in the future’s point of view? That’s actually commendable pero kung magpapatuloy lang ang ganung flow hanggang sa next chapters, it would be boring.
- In a story, there is Introduction, rising action, climax, falling action and ending. But in your story, umpisa palang ay climax na agad ang gusto mong maiparating. Try to lay low at first. Give them fresh vibes and romantic scenes at first tapos pag nakuha mo na ang loob ng readers mo, saka ka maglagay nung flashbacks and twists. In that way, hindi sila mapapagod na basahin ‘yun sa umpisa palang at para may maaabangan pa rin sila sa next parts. You get me?