INANG HIRAYA AWARDS 2020

GENERAL FICTION RESULTS

GENERAL FICTION

Judged by luckynadine

' ENTRY 1 - Seath05
● Who the B ●

WRITING STYLE: 17/20

PLOT: 17.5/20

FLOW: 23/25

*TOTAL POINTS: 85.5 /100

*CRITIQUE:

Annyeong! To the author, I would like to commend you for choosing family as the main anchor of your conflict in this story. That topic is a really deep one and I'm rooting for you to efficiently utilize that in generating a wonderful novel. For the good points, I really like the natural dialogues of your characters. Their voices are loud and relatable. I also like the interaction of Tempest to her bff, they're cute! Lastly, I commend your potential in story-telling. You have it in you. Just keep writing and improvements will follow.

For things to improve, siguro technicalities-There's a lot to be addressed on this aspect. Also, be mindful of the story's pacing. Avoid too much fillers and use your lead character efficiently to maneuver the story development. Lastly, make the characterization more define, I guess. Kilalaning mabuti ang mga characters at i-immerse mo ang iyong sarili sa kanila para mabigyan ng justifications ang bawat characterization nila habang isinusulat mo.

Anyway highway, I'm happy that I read your story. Keep shining, improving and writing! 💛

Some technicalities I listed which I think can help you kapag nag-revise ka :)
Double punctuations
Bold dialogues
Proper usage of tags
Proper punctuations (usage of hyphens sa inuulit na salita)
Nang/ng
Tainga not tenga same with kailan instead of kelan, baywang instead of bewang and mayroon or mayro'n instead of meron
Na lang and pa lang instead of "nalang" and "palang"
Kun'di instead of kundi since shortened "kung hindi" ito.
Instead of putting HAHAHA and other expressions like that, narrate mo na lang. Always narrate the emotions.
Raw/daw, diyan/riyan, doon/roon
Omit usage of sounds (don't know the term haha) like blag! Bzzt! Pwiww! Narrate them. Kung malakas ang hangin o kung maingay ang tunog ng mga sasakyan o 'di kaya'y nakabibigla ang kalabog.

"Ahhhh" "arghhh" and things like kina-capslock ang mga salita kasi sumigaw or matindi ang emotions, omit them. You have the punctuations to do that. No need to capslock. Plus, prolonging the words by adding letters at the end is not proper.

🌟🌟🌟

' ENTRY 2 - Megamind_black135
● Almost a Love Story ●

WRITING STYLE: 18/20

There's still a lot to improve but kudos to juggling many characters. Maganda ang descriptive narration mo at talagang mai-imagine ang lahat ng gagawin ng mga characters. However, nag-fail ka naman sa effective characterization and voices of your characters. For me, I would like you to ponder more in

being consistent regarding your characterization and then learn to have a more define focus in this story. Parang mas'yado kang maraming gustong i-showcase na naging makalat na ang mga details ng k'wento. This kind of writing style is a bit overwhelming to read.

PLOT: 17/20

Typical plot, I guess? In terms of novelty, medyo pumalya. But overall, I like how you wrote the first chapter. Kaso ayon nga, again, for the proceeding chapters, it became inconsistent.