BLUE | john lennon

chapter eight - well maybe i'm in love

"I'm off to mum's, Mimi!" John yelled out to his aunt before she could even reply, walking out of the house. Slamming the door shut, he put his coat on and walked off. He'd been cooped up in his room for the past couple of days, missing school and not paying attention to life. It was better than facing his problems. However, he had enough of that. All these pent up feelings needed some sort of release, he decided. Sex didn't work or smoking or drinking. So the concluding answer of talking to his mum may do. That lovely woman may possess all the answers to his dilemmas.

Walking up the porch, his freezing knuckles managed to tap on the door. Luckily, Julia answered right away, along with a grin so vast that it made John feel right at home. He was feeling even more at home when his mum tackled him with a tight hug. "Hi, my son. I didn't know you were comin' today."

"I didn't either," John responded. "But I needed someone to talk to, you know. I'm missin' school 'cause of this."

Julia parted from John, studying his eyes. She pursed her lips and then nodded. "Well. I'll start up some brekky then, hm?"

John admired Julia from afar, watching as she flipped the pancakes on the stove and scrambling some eggs simultaneously. Somehow, she always managed a smile on her face, even when she was doing something that didn't require one. She portrayed a Goddess in John's eyes. The music surrounding the walls of the house caused Julia to sway her hips to Chuck Berry as she poured the scrambled eggs over a hot pan. John loved being in the presence of his mom, always radiating such a glow that no one else could do naturally. He felt free as a bird to be his weird self around Julia. She was the definition of love.

"Here ya go, John. Eat up, okay?" John smiled and nodded, grabbing his fork and not wasting time to stuff his mouth. Julia served him a glass of milk to go along with his plate.

With a mouth full of pancakes, John said, "Thank you, mum." Julia tried to bite back a laugh but failed. John smiled as he achieved to make his mom laugh. Thinking of it, Mimi would most likely have yelled at him for talking with his mouth full. He loved Mimi dearly, but his mom always seemed better company - a friend in hand.

"So," Julia started, digging into her own plate of eggs. "What did you want to talk about?"

John shrugged. "Uh. Well, you know, I wanted to talk about err...Elaine?"

Gulping a sip of her milk, her eyes must've dilated big time. "Oh. Elaine? What about her, love? She doin' alright?"

"She's fine, mum. She's great. But I..." John found himself biting back the words. If he said it to his mum, there was no going back. She would know, then Mimi would know, and everyone would know. Did John want that? His feelings for a girl he cares deeply about on display for all of Liverpool to see? Well... actually, yes. "...I love Elaine, mum."

Julia sighed. A sigh as if she expected something more significant than that. "Oh. I know that, John. She loves you too, doesn't she? Been sayin' that since year 9?"

John rolled his eyes. "Why does everyone think—never mind. But yes, but no. In love with her, mum! More than a damn friend!"

Julia squealed in excitement. "Oh! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!" She clapped her hands like mad but then understood she had to be serious now. "When...When did you realize this?"

"I dunno, mum. I-I think I've always been in love with her. I was just too dumb to realize it, you know?" John sighed. "But yesterday...I-I guess that's when I admitted it to meself. She just looked so...beautiful. She was wearing one of me shirts, and her hair looked so pretty, and her nose was a little red 'cause it was freezin' like mad." John chuckled. "And she took care of me after I had a fall; she made sure I was alright. And my god, she's just amazin', mum."