To Say These Words

Chapter Five

It sat uneasily with her conscience, the way they had left their conversation. She had an unnerving suspicion that this situation was concluded on the wrong note.

It didn't seem like Ross accepted her apology, he had brushed it off so quickly. Rachel felt like she deserved to be yelled at, she deserved Ross' anger towards her for what she'd done. Was it that he didn't care? Had he moved on to such an extreme degree that it didn't bother him, she had used Mark to cause him pain, didn't that anger him?

Rachel found herself being drawn to his apartment, after work. Whether she was going there to apologise again or have him yell at her, it was the right choice.

Above all, she couldn't leave this matter in this state. Before he left the country, she needed to patch up their relationship. She couldn't let him leave angry, nor could she let him leave without realizing how sorry she was.

This was her final chance to talk to him in private. The week had flown by; Ross' flight left the next morning.

When her hand reached the door to knock, it was as if she was watching from outside her body. Everything about this moment felt similar to a dream, it wasn't characteristic of her to confront him when they normally hid their feelings from one another. The hollow thud of the wood against her knuckles prompted his voice to echo from beyond the door.

"Who is it?" Ross' muffled voice asked.

"It's Rachel, can we talk?" She answered, letting her raised hand drop. She crossed her arms across her chest, nervously.

"Uh, yeah, come in," Ross responded.

Rachel entered to find the reason he hadn't come to answer the door. A few boxes were scattered across the apartment. Ross stood behind his leather sofa, wrapping a fossil in bubble wrap.

"You've left the packing until the last minute I see," Rachel commented, attempting to sound light and cheerful.

"Well, I have been busy sorting out a few arrangements," Ross stated. He placed the wrapped fossil into an awaiting box. Then he stepped away from packing, approaching Rachel apprehensively.

"I just came here to, well, fix the way we left off," Rachel began in a serious tone. "I want to apologise one last time. Honestly, it felt like you accepted my apology too quickly last time... Doesn't it hurt you to know what I did?"

"Rachel, why don't you take a seat," Ross suggested. The pair strode alongside his sofa, sitting so they were angled towards each other. "At first I was hurt, but I can't let it bother me. Part of moving on is leaving the past... in the past."

"Wow, Ross... I never thought I'd hear you drop anything so fast," Rachel admitted, in complete shock that those were Ross' thoughts, he never let go in arguments like this.

"I don't want to leave being angry at you. I'm going to move forward, focus on my career. I forgive you," Ross explained. He didn't want to admit to Rachel how much her actions had hurt, not to mention the fact that he was escaping seeing her and Mark together by taking this job.

"Thank you Ross," Rachel said, smiling at him reservedly.

"So, I, uh, ran into Mark today," Ross admitted, wanting to tell her what happened rather than leave Mark in charge of doing so.

"You did? What happened?" Rachel asked, noticeably cringing at the thought of the two coming face to face.

"Not a lot. He started by asking if it was true that I was leaving. I told him it was," Ross explained, furrowing his brow as he tried to remember the details of the conversation.