It's Complicated (Catradora Highschool Au)

Chapter 14: Catra

*WARNING: This chapter contains descriptions of suicidal thoughts and other material that corresponds to the subject. If this is triggering in any form PLEASE DON'T READ. If you chose to skip the chapter, you can comment "skipped" and I will do my best to sum it up for you. Thank you, read with caution. *

Adora's right. Adora's right. Adora's right.

Her words play in my mind; repeatedly like some stupid broken record stuck on the worst track.

She didn't need me. She never has. But I allowed myself to need her. And that is where I went wrong.

I let my walls down. My walls that took two years to build, I tore them down for what? Two months of stupidly unrealistic bliss?

I make it up to my driveway. Luckily, Angelle and Micah are still at work. And Glimmer is probably off, comforting Adora or something stupid like that.

I fling my book bag off of my shoulder; it crashes into a dining room chair. I rush to my room and lock the door.

I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. Why did I think I could help her?
I'm a nuisance, a problem.

Nobody wants me. That's why I can't stay in one home for more than a few months. That's why I can't have a stable friendship. That's why I shouldn't be here.

I feel anger, sadness, and resentment fill my heart. Fill my chest. Fill my whole being.

Tears pour like a never-ending river down my cheeks.

"AHHHHH- "I punch the wall; screaming at the top of my lungs. I draw my hand back; wincing. And then I do it again. And again, until my knuckles are a masterpiece of crimson, purple, and blue.

I slide down the wall and sob until my eyes run dry.

After about half an hour I hear car doors slam. I quickly put on an oversized Nirvana hoodie; hiding my wounded knuckles.

A nap sounds like a nice escape right about now.

"Where are your parents?" A feel a light hand rest on my shoulder. I jump and face the first responder.

She gives me a warm smile but I can see right through it.

"Sweetie, I need you to answer me. Where are your parents?" I clench my fists and feel an intense burning in my throat from held back tears.
I point to the sinking car; that holds my parent's corpses.

As soon as she lays eyes on the car, I feel bile rise up in my throat.

"It's all my fault if I didn't go to that stupid movie, they would be alive!" I screamed those words over and over again until I felt a sting in my left arm and the world turned blurry.

Before sleep consumed me, one last thought crossed my mind: It should have been me.

I bolt straight up. Sweat beads my forehead.

It should have been me. This was all a mistake. And I'm going to fix it.

I look at my clock. It's about 10:30 pm. Everybody should be asleep by now. I grab my keys and head out; barley making a sound.

I get into my black Jeep and pull out of the driveway; almost hitting a pedestrian. I yell a "sorry" and take off.

It takes me about half an hour to get to the place.

The place where it all began.

The place where it is all going to end.

The water down below; splashes against the drab rocks; making them sparkle beneath the moonlight.

A face comes to mind. Blonde hair, beautiful light-filled eyes, and porcelain skin. I take a deep breath and put my car in drive.

"Goodbye, Adora."

And without another thought, I hit the gas.

*Wowza! This was a difficult chapter to write. I want you guys to know that suicide is not the answer. I promise that life gets better even though it can be so, so harsh. There have been so many times where I have felt hopeless and broken beyond repair but things always get better. And yes, I'm sure that has been over said but it is so true. You are here for a purpose. You matter no matter who you are or what you have done. There is always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark it may seem. If you need anything please reach out to me.

Suicide hotline: 800-273-8255

Trevor project (LGBTQ+ Suicide hotline and free counseling): 1-866-488-7386

-Ally Rutson