Broken Porcelain Marionette

Chapter 6

Marinette’s POV:

As soon as I made it back home from the dreadful mansion I ran to my room, locked the door, and fell on my chaise crying. What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong forcing me to hurt all of my friends?! Maybe it would be better if I didn’t exist...then I wouldn’t have to hurt anyone, but what about Chat, Alya, Adrien, my parents, Tikki, and Master Fu?! I can’t leave them, I can’t do that to them. I don't want to hurt them like that. That would be wrong and I don’t want to give up...I can’t give up! Yet as long as I’m alive, I have to hurt my friends. I am forced to help my enemy and I must betray all the morals I stand for. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to feel like a monster, but that’s all I feel like...I feel like I’m a monster, a menace to society, a mistake of the world. I’m no lucky ladybug, I’m an evil destructive force that will end the world. I might as well be the one wearing Chat’s miraculous, it would fit me better. I stared out the window blankly watching the setting sun. The light goes out, then darkness rises. I'm just like a sunset...Used to be bright and beautiful, but now...I'm forced into the darkness against my own will....Why can' t I be like a sunrise instead?! Why can't I put darkness away and let light shine through?! With no  motivation, I changed into my pajamas, an all black tank top with gray yoga pants. I face planted back on my chaise as I finally let out the tears I’ve been holding back all day. It was so hard to keep it in, but I need to be calm, I need to hide my emotions. Not now though, right now I need to let everything out. I need pour it all out so I can refill the bottle. A few minutes later I heard a tapping at the trap door. I knew who it was, but can I face him when he is unaware of all of the atrocious things I’ve been doing?! I hesitantly walked up to the trap door and as soon as I saw his eyes, I couldn’t stop myself. I opened the trap door and flew myself at him.  We fell back onto the balcony, me crying while hugging his chest. He didn’t hug back for a few seconds, but after what I assume was shock had ended, he hugged me back. He rubbed circles on my back trying to calm down my hysteria, but it didn’t help much. It was so hard to breathe. Why am I doing this? He’ll hate me. I don’t want him to hate me! He can't hate me! I won’t let him hate me! I felt his claws in my hair, and started lightly from my scalp traveling down to the tips of my hair then he slowly repeated the motion. It felt nice and I felt a little calmer, but I felt so guilty! He shouldn’t be treating me so nicely...I’m a traitor, a monster!!! I’m his enemy...even if I don’t want to be. I couldn’t hold it any longer. I had to tell him something!

“ C-Chat…I’m so sorry!!”

Was all I could get out as I continued to sob into him.

“ Sorry for what, princess?”

" ...I-I..." My frail voice began.

I can’t tell him...I’m so selfish! How could I not want him to hate me when that’s what he should be doing?! I need him to scream at me! I need him to scold me! I need him to take my miraculous, take my memories away and leave me…but, I want him to stay with me. I want him to comfort me. I want him to stay by my side...UGH! WHY AM I SO SELFISH?! I felt him pick me up from the balcony carefully, holding me in a princess carry. How fitting. He climbed onto my bed sitting crossed leg, while still holding the back of my knees and my mid back. He began to carefully rock me back and forth as if I was a child trying to be put to bed, but I didn’t care. I wrapped my arms around his neck and began to sob onto his shoulder. Why is he so nice to someone like me?  

“ It’s going to be ok, just let it all out. I’m right here and everything will get better, I promise.” 

He whispered into my ear sending a small shiver down my spine. His breath was warm against my ear and it somehow felt nice. Why does he have this effect over me? Why does he calm me like this? Why does he treat me like this? I didn’t fully realize it, but he was singing. It was a lullaby moms would use often, but at this moment it was my partner. It was nice...he has a really soothing voice. I could feel myself slipping, as the words began to calm me, I could feel the sleep clawing at my eyes until I was out. It was dark, but soon I was outside. It was beautiful, the leaves were blowing through the air in all their colored glory. Green leaves slowly tinting into their golds and reds, flowers slowly fading, but many still standing strong. The wind blew gently carrying the fresh scent of harvest all around. I looked at the park seeing all of my friends gathered in the park They were all happily talking to each other, smiles on all of their faces. I began to walk towards the park, a smile on my face. I looked up at the trees and saw Chat perched on one of the branches hiding from children in a game of hide and seek. I picked up the pace running to the park with a giant smile on my face. It was almost like a cutscene in a video game, because as soon as I walked past the gates everything changed. The breeze suddenly got colder and the wind was harsher than before. All the children looked at me and began to run away, screaming and crying in terror. I looked around confused on what was happening. I looked over at my friends to see them have disgusted and angry looks. I looked at the tree Chat was in, but he was no longer there.