delicate - rini au (sequel)

chapter 7: all came back

If you think that Ricky created a million different scenarios in those 20 minutes, you are correct. Anxiety and all of his nerves were running through his body, he knew what they were going to talk about but at the same time, he didn't. He arrived and after those three breaths he would always take before an important moment, he knocked. He could hear her footsteps, and then when it was in front of the door, they stopped. He knew what she was doing. Three deep breaths. She taught him that. "Sometimes even three deep breaths can change everything". Damn, How I met your Mother made some points with that quote. After a couple of seconds, the door opened, revealing the young man standing with a bag of food on his hand. He looked tired, black circles under his eyes, which were smaller than usual. Right, he went out yesterday. She moved so he could enter, still not a word between them. They sat down on the couch, he put the food out and smiled at her. Their tension broke in that moment. It's amazing how he could change her whole mood only with a smile.

"Why did you disappear?" he said, cutting her off. They were talking about the food but he couldn't hold anymore. He needed to know. It took her a minute to answer. She stared at him and then lowered her head.

"I don't know. I wasn't planning to. I just- When I heard her name and saw her again, it all just came back. Everything. I know it's dumb because it's been years since high school, but I got scared. She came back to our lives and she just needs to open her mouth and she can ruin everything for me. I healed or whatever but the scar is still there. I read everything she said, maybe she is right. You guys pretty much left her alone and became friends with me. When you don't know the whole story it sounds weird. I thought that she had changed. But after reading and listening to her talk I realized that she didn't. She is painting me as the mean girl who stole her boyfriend and her friends and then became successful." she cried. Nini saw how he was about to speak again and cut him off. "I know what you are going to say. I didn't steal anything and it wasn't my fault. But it feels like that, okay? She was popular with the best friends you could possibly have and in less than three months everything changed. Remember the whole drama on Prom? She screamed at me. She threw a drink on me and pretty much the whole school stood by my side. I know I'm not the bad guy here, but she is smart. She can snap her fingers, which I know she will, and destroy everything. I'm not ready for it yet." They stayed silent for almost three minutes. Nini trying to stop crying and Ricky trying to ask about them without sounding aggressive.

"Can I ask you another thing? You don't have to answer it." he said. She nodded, worrying about what was going to happen next. "You said you needed to think about us being us... Is it because you think you are a passtime for me?"
She could see the pain in his eyes, how worried he was. She let a deep sigh out, broke eye contact and nodded.

"Neens..." he got closer to her, intertwining their hands together, while using the other to grab her cheek. "You are not a pastime for me. Why do you think that?"

"Maybe because when I asked you, you didn't answer. And because what's the point of being together if we are not. It's setting myself to get a heartbreak and I can't deal with it now. It's better if we just end it now, before we start hating each other." she said. She saw how his eyes started to fill with tears. His hand that was on her cheek drop, landing on her lap. She lowered her head, seeing their hands together. She felt how his grip on her hand loosened.

"Can I talk first?" he whispered. He tried his best not to sound as broken as he felt inside. He remembered the pain he felt the first time they broke up, this was worse. He felt guilty, because it was his fault she felt like that. Of course he wanted to tell her that day that she wasn't a passtime for him, he wonted to tell her how much he loved her. But he couldn't.
He was scared, they had a lot of history, this wasn't the first time they were together. He took a couple of minutes before talking again. "I know I hurt you when I didn't answer. But it's not what you think. I thought we were okay like that, it took me by surprise. And I always thought we were going to be like this until our lives slow down or we can control them. Not that we were just wasting time until we got tired. You are not just a girl I met at a bar and we just hook up. You are more than that. And I know that I'm not that to you. I hope so." he opened his mouth to talk again, but closed it immediately. Until he realized, what was he losing? Fuck it. "Nini, I've been in love with you for almost 8 years now." he saw how she looked at him, he grabbed her face with both of his hands. Tears streaming down both of their faces. "I love you, okay? I never stopped. And I didn't say it sooner because I didn't want to ruin us. I've been biting my tongue every single day. I want to be with you Neens. Like I said when we were 18, I'm all in." She was still looking at him, analyzing what he had just said. "Please say something..." he whispered, letting a nervous giggle out.